|Reviews for Cinderella & the Mafia leader|
| waiting 10/16/12 . chapter 1
i am here waiting for you to finish this crap so please finish it an not a tsundere...why do people say that i am a tsundere i am not i am not
| yzako 8/26/12 . chapter 1
..this is a gret story.. please update...
| iHeartYorozuya 5/3/12 . chapter 1
I like the story :) Imagine the monster turned into Cinderella and I've never expect Sougo to be a kind-hearted mafia boss from sadistic and cold-hearted captain in Gintama xD Keep up the good work :)
| xoxokittygirlxoxo 1/21/09 . chapter 1
great story n i can't wait till the next chapter
| Animejabba23 10/21/08 . chapter 1
Can't wait until the next chapter!
| x-MinRi-x 9/20/08 . chapter 1
ur fic is good...keep writing!
| 0animelover0 9/8/08 . chapter 1
you are...WHO WHO WHO!I NEED TO KNOW!YOU WILL WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER OR SO HELP ME I'LL I'LL HUFF AND I'LL PUFF AND I'LL BLOW YOU COMPUTER AWAY!
| feefal 9/7/08 . chapter 1
Hello bubblegum-samurai chan,
This is a good story, but you might want to slow down a bit. The readers can't catch up. Be careful during the time when your characters talk. For example...
“What now, Woman?” Okita turned back. “Please… tell me what this place…is” Kagura said weakly. “I can’t believe such a person exists! Hello? This is Orchard road! The city of Singapore!” Okita stare at her with disbelief.
You might want to change it like this.
“What now, Woman?” Okita turned back. “Please… tell me what this place…is” Kagura said weakly.
“I can’t believe such a person exists! Hello? This is Orchard road! The city of Singapore!” Okita stare at her with disbelief.
See how theres space between what Kagura says and what Okita says? This way the readers can tell who's talking and who's not. Otherwise it would create some confusion. These are really small mistakes. But other than that, oyu're sory is good. I look forward to your update. Talk to you on cr.
| deletedpetals 9/3/08 . chapter 1
This is hilarious! Update!:D
| Salty-Storm and Trufflemix 9/2/08 . chapter 1
Your first sentence repeats twice, so you might want to go back and delete one of them.
[But on the other hand, her step-sisters never order her around. Why? If they do that, they will receive a good beating from Kagura. They never dare to complaint to their step-mother.] Some things in this paragraph just don't sound right. 'order' in the first sentence should probably be changed to 'ordered'. 'do' in the second sentence should be changed to 'did', and 'will' in the same sentence should be changed to 'would'. There's a lot of small mistakes like that throughout this piece.
You might want to think of getting a beta reader, just to fix these small mistakes. I can beta for you, if you want.
This is a pretty good start, but I think you move a bit too fast from Kagura coming from the past, to moving in with Sougo. Sorry if this seems harsh, but I really look forward to seeing more of your story.