This is a very solid start - do you plan on finishing the fic?

please write more!

Wow. I love your story!

However, I would like to point out a couple of things:

1. In the first paragraph, "Jun could not sleep as he sense the doll..." does not make sense. You could change it to, "Jun could not sleep as he could sense the doll" or "Jun could not sleep as he sensed the doll".
2. "He then remember that he chose..." It should be, "He then remembered"
3. "I need to get to school now, Make sure Shinku eats." "Make" does not need to be capitalized.
4. "Shinku gazed at the large relflective surface." That first l shouldn't be there.
5. "She was not very fond of it, but she knew it was nessicary..." It should be "necessary".
6. "...she left the room living..." I think you meant "living room".
7. "Her N-field was a place a emotion." Did you mean "of emotion"?
8. "The Alice Game is complete and it will remian complete." It should be "remain".

...Sorry, that really wasn't "a couple of things". I know that these minor mistakes would not be caught during a spell check.

All in all, I really enjoyed your story! Everyone was IC. I can't wait to see what happens next!