I know this story is pretty old, but I've got to say as a writer I've always heard 'show, don't tell.' This story, all it does is tell. The pacing is all off too-there's never any time for anyone to process emotions or make decisions, just one dramatic revelation after another. I like the concept here, with Caroline actually standing up for what she wants, but the actual work itself needs a lot of help.

Your Worshipfulness