That was cute.

I like it. It is sweet.

ehh like hell you're a bad writer or a loser! you're a great writer with an awesome personality, keep it up! =] um, in the writing - i'm not sure how one can keep up an awesome personality O_o? doesn't it just...happen? xP

Nah , you're not some kind of loser ! Mat49324 is just ENVY on you ! Don't get too upset , okay , Lin ! And , you're the best !

Aw that's so cute how all of them are so "brotherly" but I feel bad for any man to try to ask her out with soo many nii-sans there who are overprotective a bit XD hehe

I like it.

That was so sweet! ...in...an...Agon-like way...
BUt really though, I have to wonder what Agon and others were thinking seeing Sena who is, wha5, 5"1 and hadn't been playing a year, pass Yamato. Hm... maybe a should write a fic about it...

its rather short, but to be expected after all shes protective of her in this story right?

These are actually really awesome. I like them.

I know nothing of this faondom, and literaly just discovered it even existed.
//A side story to Goal about how characters may feel about our favorite Deimon Devil Bat running back. Sorry for putting this on complete when it's not.//
Not the best way to write a summary. You need something interesting, something that screams 'click me!' Cut the last sentence and rework 'about how characters may feel about our favorite Deimon Devil Bat running back' to be more intriguing, then put the side story part at the end. That'll get you more traffic here.
Wouldn't a guy who is upset about unfairness use '/so/ unfair' for maximum effect?
Using parentheses in a fic is unnecessary and it breaks up the flow of the story. It also has a tendency to bombard the reader much like an info-dump does and cuts down on the retention.
I'd be careful about using the same word too many times, too close. I realize 'speed' was necessary twice, but not three times in the same paragraph.
Aside from a missing letter and a dash were there should be a comma in the second/third paragraph, this is a pretty good first chapter. It sets things up nice, and it's very intense. A person familiar with the fandom would be drawn to the next chapter from this one.

A review for you, Lin! Although I'm not familiar with the fandom.

"He let out a growl as his frustration began to build up."

I though he was already frustrated, as he wasn't considered one of the best football player. It doesn't make sense for him to be frustrated at one point, and then frustrated again. I think it would be better if he was frustrated and then grow more angry as his thoughts change and such.

"Practice had ended a half an hour ago, but he didn’t want to head home feeling frustrated-is mother would definitely want to know why he was so aggravated- a change from his usually collected self."

You forgot the "h" in "his," Lin, but it's a minor typo and I didn't notice it at first. Also, I don't think the last bit of the sentence ("a change from his usually collected self") should be separated from the middle portion between the dashes... Or is it hyphens? Anyways, it makes more sense, I think, for those parts to be separated by a comma, as the last part explains the middle part.

...And I'm too lazy to go on. Sorry. XD

-Viv

Hiruma is next!

I liked it! I like this pairing when Sena is portrayed as a girl!

Hi another awesome chapter to this
its interesting to see the point of views of all of them :D
i cant wait for the next chapter to this and to Goal too hehe
hope u update soon!! XD

aw this was really sweet
i like the thought of Sena having big brothers :D
and i think this was a great way to protray it that he was worried that she didnt need him anymore as she was growing up aw hehe
that last part was cute too XD
great job!!
lookin forward to more