Hm, I can't judge the plot right now, not far enough in. But still, it was amusing. You did use a few too many exclamation points, and '...' but that's my opinion. Along with a few typos and grammar errors. But alas, so is the fate of an author at times. I almost feel like Squirt and Flame are a little ooc, though I guess I'm not one to talk, considering I had to do the same. *sweatdrop* Still, I'm curious to see how this will all turn out.

So this story is a cross over with an alternate parallel dimension of Buwaro's Tales of Flame story? It did turn out pretty good so far.