Wow. nicely done. i like all of the logbook stuff; you manage to fit it in w/o it feeling too video-gamey. i like it.

Great story, too bad you had Noxus killed off. He was one of my favorite characters in Prime Hunters.

nice story so far man very interesting... i wonder does Samus also become the queen of the ice metroids as well?

oh i also have an idea for an area that you can use. in fact i think i might have a planet name for you that you can use the name with.

area: Shatter plains (a broken waste land [of ice] on planet Vho usually used by the warriors for combat training.)

planet: Tyres 5 ( the location of this planet was never really confirmed as it seems to move almost anywhere in the galaxy or even the universe. it is said that this planet is home to some extraordinary technology creatures and beings. planet tech level 9. as it is the people of this planet tend to make tech level 2-4 items to sell. but now the planet is no longer home to these highly intellegent beings. some believe that this was once a Chozo world but scan may prove other wise.)

area's:
Zendarin mountains (typically used as a landing site but the life forms here are quite dangerous if you are not prepared. life forms consist of lizard like creatures birds of some kind even a giant serpent like creature that uses electrical attacks.)

Ordes Tower (this structure is said to hold a great treasure for those who can pass the trials on each level. the trials consist of logic, combat, speed, bravery, and accuracy )

Morvethene Caverns

Great story. I Bursted out laughing when Ridley said "Simply smashing to be back, good man" in the first chapter, does Ridley have a British accent? Good Show my fellow.

i stayed up till 3:30 am reading this story (i started reading it at like 9 or 10:00) very shocking for Samus to join the ones that she despised with every fiber of her being and her becoming the metroid queen quite unexpected. keep working on this story i look forward to more

To be honest, this fic is rather flat. It has the ground for being very good, and the way you incorporate several differnat POV's into each chapter is nice, but also confusing.

Most of the dialouge is flat and semi-robotic, with a TELLING termanologiy instead of a SHOWING. Think of it like this: When your writing the scene, use as many senses as possible. How hot is the cup of coffee in his hands? Does the sun shine blidingly in his eyes? Is the air warm, cold, in between? Basically use the bodies senses to SHOW the world around the characters, rather then just saying: "The air was cool, the sun blocked out by the overcast sky." Doing that enables you to give a much more visceral experiance to the readers.

The dialouge is also a weak point, as all the characters seems to be cut from the same cloth. Mix it up, try to work in differant dialects or inflections into each character. Ridley isnt one to say things like: "Oh Lord! I must help them!" Hes evil, a bastard and a all around asshole who is more likely to dissect the Pirate then save them.

These are just a few basic iddeas to fix the story. Simply work at it and you'll get better. Just dont give up, neh?

Roll On.

So far, I think it's pretty good (even in only the first chapter!) The wording is very good, and it allows further insight in the Future Metroid Dread. There are two things i must say though:

WTH? Ridley is british! what is he, doctor who or something? he regenerates too? crazy...you have caused a problem in my perception of ridley...i've always seen him to be something like russian or american.

and i like how you stick to the original locations of the metroid series, as do I in Samus Aran and The War of Eternity. the only thing that is confusing is...

Wasnt Keaton The Chairman BEFORE Zero mission? it was like that in the Official Manga.

I love it, it could be the Prequel for my fic as well...

ATMA (Adorios)

Damn...keep the chapters coming, I hate having to wait for them.

And I like how you did Ridley, because most people portray him as an asshole in their fics. That's the general personality for him, it seems. But you tried something different and made it work quite nicely. :)

"ERADICATE IMMEDIATELY! HAVE A NICE DAY." Worth reading for that one line.

A few places it seems you mixed words and letters, but not enough to be concerned about.

I honestly don't particularly like the way you did Ridley. When you first introduced him, I actually pictured him as sort of a British character based on what you wrote, and that's seeming to fit. I see Ridley as being more overly-angry rather than cheery, and that seems to be the case based on what's in the games. But don't feel too bad about this. No one can really know what Ridley is like, so I won't hold it against you.

For the most part, your writing style is pretty good. It seems to shift at times, alternating between catching and slightly drab. But the goods outweigh the bads in this case.

As far as plot, I don't know the Hunters in detail, but I'm getting by. I prefer not to judge a story by the first chapter, so I'll continue reading.

This chapter started out well, and (personally) degressed into a more confusing and illogical set of events.

I'll read the other chaps, but might not leave reviews. We'll see. ;D

Chapter Score: 8/10

omg i need to know more.. this is a great story

hm very interesting...the subzero suit is a nice upgrade, would rock if it also gave her blades an extension to hack and slash ppl up but cool none the less...wonder what destroys those bloody crystals? anyways hope you update soon XD till next chapter of ridley goodness XD

Dynamus reminds me of HK-47 from the Jedi Knight video games -- he spouts both technical language and intersperses phrases like "You're toast, meatbag" throughout.

Adam's dialogue is better than before.

Heh, the first time that I read the line "offensive instrument" I thought you meant and instrument that offended people -- oops.

Glad to see you're still working on this. The action is heating up...

I think that Adam's dialogue could use some work. I would suggest making him a little more formal, military-sounding.