It's pretty good, but you need more atmosphere if you want your reader to develop an emotional attachment to your story. For example:
"“Who was there?” cried Kumi as she squint her eyes, trying to get a closer look. She was taken aback for a second when it finally revealed itself a black figurine charging towards her. As it gotten closer, Kumi’s heart pondered as two big ferocious eyes were eyeing straight towards to her."

Personally, I think you could have used more description to build up the suspense. If she's terrified of what's approaching her, her heart beat should be racing, she should feel a sense of dread and apprehension, and she should be ready to run, her muscles tense, or frozen to the spot, her body unwilling to move. Also, I think the word 'ferocious' is a pretty good word to use to describe the eyes that are inciting fear into Kumi, but I think 'beastly', 'murderous', and/or 'horrifying' could have gone along with it.

Another thing that you may want to work on is describing the setting. I couldn't really picture the dream world that Kumi was in while unconscious. Was she in a field of flowers? A barren desert? A dark abyss where she was the only person there? You might wanna consider these questions in the future when talking about setting.

But, on the bright side, the characters stayed in character for the most part, and you're not dragging anything along. Keep writing!

japaneserockergirl
;D

P.S. I was wondering if you would mind if I made a little epilogue fic to Alien Nine as well; I've kinda always wanted to do one.

It was a pretty decent excerpt, if you ask me. However, I think there could have been more description in your words, and you could have made the atmosphere feel a bit more suspenseful. But I still liked it.

hope ur upcoming episode is interesting i look forward 2 it!