|Reviews for Kanata Thawed|
| Fictioneer UNCENSORED 10/17/08 . chapter 2
No re-post. My cleared direct post.
Kanata was 28 at the time of death. Just because she didn't _look_ 28
doesn't mean that she wasn't. That's kinda the point. It's supposed to be
Geese! Feels like the EverReady Rabbit has a dark side!
Uh, that was Dee's own view on the kiddie looks thing, 2nd Dee said her age figures might be off but might adjust them because she didn't know, just like a lot of people, about the Izumis true non-Wiki ages, but no, you just have to act snotty "updating" her! Story still clicks if you shift the ages, no big deal. BTW please furnish where we could get this official age info!
You still claim to keep things as canon as possible, but your biggest flaw is
that your characters are nearly all written very OOC.
This is so lame. She said she'd try to toe the canon line as long as doesn't choke her creativity! Haven't you ever heard of creative VARIETY or you just a LS purist zealot who can''t tolerate doing things any other way? Can you spell the LS PS2 game?
you and your followers have called Konata's true, mellow character a "robot",
We must be on different planets! Where did Dee say that? She said if Kona acted indifferent to news that her mom was alive she'd be robot!
If you really want to portray this realistically, you should have her act like someone who is going to meet the mother she never knew but never missed, whose death she had fully accepted until now. As you have her now, she doesn't even come across as realistic if she were a person who _was_ very emotionally invested in this.
Hello! Kona's had months to prepare under pro guidance i.e. "Phoenix" ! She wouldn't turn into a hysterical lump of tears on first sight. Seems you've never gone through like issues as helping dying family members!
Soujirou is not a pedophile. He is a lolicon.
No debate; Just go to a Families Services or Children's Services or better yet, a Law Enforcement site and pose that as a question. I have - . Enough said.
You tell us all to accept your changes as a given because this is fanfiction,
then you turn around and try to validify some of the extreme personality
changes you've given these characters as having basis in canon, when really -
they don't. Are they canon or aren't they?
You're confused friend. She said she's stick to the story as much as possible without crimping her creativity. Hey, remember Spiderman? The comic cannon with him was he built web-sprayers in his gloves to spin webs, not spurt them out of his body like the movie guy, but that big change didn't bother too many canon fans. Dee's done the same here! She's got that license as an artist!
KyoAni is not trying to make Lucky Star more "exciting" by inserting fantasy
into dream sequences. Almost nothing happened in Kagami's dream.
The dream scene happened, like that pet shop frog "dream" - things which didn't happen in the anime. Why would the OVA do this when KyoAni had piles of original LS material in the manga to tap? They were experimenting with new ways to present the characters in fantasy settings to make the girls more interesting, simply put.
I can't think of a single thing existing or planned that has the Lucky Star characters in a Tron-esque setting.
The girl's just making a fun hunch bet. You're turning it into a damn corporate contract!
Geese, you all gotta learn to lighten up! Your bitching over minor shit is PETTY! Have hit anyone else?
Hope you all enjoy her fandub!
| Wild Growlithe 10/17/08 . chapter 1
Kanata was 28 at the time of death. Just because she didn't _look_ 28 doesn't mean that she wasn't. That's kinda the point. It's supposed to be funny. That's why Konata fits into a 12 year old's swimsuit at 18 years old, because she stopped growing at 12. Is Konata not really 18 because she doesn't look it? The Lucky Star character profile book lists Soujirou at 44 years currently and Kanata at 28 (at death). He was 26 at the time of Konata's birth, and if Kanata died when Konata was an infant, he could have been no more than 28 himself. Which means, undeniably, they are either the same age or she is OLDER. This is official information. No arguing. Your guess was way off, and even in this statement you've tried to argue that you have some grounding in canon when you really, truly, do not. If you would just admit that you drastically changed the characters' ages from what they are in the story, you would really save face.
You still claim to keep things as canon as possible, but your biggest flaw is that your characters are nearly all written very OOC. If it were as canon as possible, they would still be acting like they act in the manga and tv show, and not how you the author would prefer them to act. Even in this defense, you and your followers have called Konata's true, mellow character a "robot", and you've claimed that her personality is the result of a "damaged soul". Konata is a wonderful character. Konata is the selling point of Lucky Star. Without her mellow attitude, her obsessive dorkiness, and her cool but mischevious demeanor, Lucky Star would not have sold nearly as well. So what if she's unconventional? She is not a bad character, and the way you've rewritten her has made her almost unrecognizable. Would she react emotionally to the rejuvination of her mother? Yes. Would she act as extremely as you have her acting? No. When asked about it in canon, Konata said that she doesn't miss her mother because she never knew her. If you really want to portray this realistically, you should have her act like someone who is going to meet the mother she never knew but never missed, whose death she had fully accepted until now. As you have her now, she doesn't even come across as realistic if she were a person who _was_ very emotionally invested in this. Your dialogue for her is very cheesy and hard to believe.
I've seen several people try to educate you further on your misconceptions about Lucky Star and Japan as a whole. You never respond to them (unless you're being defensive), and your stories never reflect the things they've told you. You have claimed over and over again to be open to concrit, advice, even flames, yet your behavior has never reflected your words.
Soujirou is not a pedophile. He is a lolicon. A pedophile is someone who has a sexual preference for children. If he were a pedophile, he would sexually prefer children to adult women. Not young _looking_ women, but actual children. He has a penchant toward young girls but never acts on them, and has stated that he equally enjoys younger and legal-aged women. I'd also like to add that the legal age of consent in Japan is 13 years. Not that I agree with it, but keep that in mind with your judgements. Soujirou has no sexual preference toward children, and is not a pedophile. He is a decent man with some bad habits that he has never acted on. Changing him into a monstrous pervert is breaking canon to the extreme, once again to suit your personal preferences. That is not remaining as canon as possible, even to fit within the realms of your tangent.
You tell us all to accept your changes as a given because this is fanfiction, then you turn around and try to validify some of the extreme personality changes you've given these characters as having basis in canon, when really - they don't. Are they canon or aren't they? Because as long as you claim that they are in any aspect, people will correct you.
KyoAni is not trying to make Lucky Star more "exciting" by inserting fantasy into dream sequences. Almost nothing happened in Kagami's dream. It was for humor. KyoAni knows their product and they know their audience. Lucky Star doesn't need any sci-fi or fantasy forced into the plot unless it's used as a joke, and even then the nature of the show is kept very laid back and uneventful. Lucky Star does not need to be more exciting. It became a massive hit just by being its plain and simple self. I would also like to know where you get your information. KyoAni hasn't announced any new animation for Lucky Star, not even a new audio-only Drama CD. Unless you're refering to the August 2008 Drama CD or some add-on to the OVA soundtrack disc, which I'll admit to not knowing the content of, I can't think of a single thing existing or planned that has the Lucky Star characters in a Tron-esque setting.
To put things simply - as long as your claims remain untruthful and contradictory, you will continue to be called on it. Your stories are not faithful to the characters - do not advertise them as such if you can't handle the backlash.
| ChakiChakiGirl 10/17/08 . chapter 1
Greetings on my bunch break!
I'm no longer re-posting mailing list diatribe rebuttals to the "discussion" here, or on the mailing list. I dislike being a dictator about this but it's really getting out of hand and needlessly wounding feelings.
First things first;
A writer comes into or any story site to have their stories read, not to become ducks in a shooting gallery. loses a lot of new writers that way because of a lack of respect and civility and oodles of egos and plain old mean-spirited "jollies". It should be so that even if a writer requests no reviews at all, that wish should be heeded, whether presents the critic the opportunity - or excuse. Civility and tolerance should reign. I know some people are heavy-handed (even innocently brusque) giving good advice and I allow for that, on the other hand I didn't come on board as red meat thrown to lions whose sole sorry lot in life is to show how clever they are at tearing people down. I cherish readers who take your good points and bad points and will courteously correct your way.
I make no apologies for my story's premise, which respects all its characters and is based on real science, and if there are minor flaws I'll address them. Outside manga hosting sites, I don't have ready access to Lucky Star manga, still I believe I've gleaned enough to write workable stories. If there are holes, I welcome people filling in the gaps, not trampling on me for missing them. Same goes for the argument; 'Stupid, you don't know Japan!'. Great! I'd be happy to know the differences, but the bottom line is that most of the time those backgrounds and cultural micro-details are often missed in an exciting story. I'm writing fanfiction, not a novel to submit Time Warner Publishers. Please give writers here some slack.
I don't wish to get into the argument of what's super-canon and what makes a "true" Lucky Star story. I never claimed my stories as canon, only that I strive to keep as close as possible without crimping my tangent. They are variations on a theme, not beholden to it. I like the previous "Batman" analogy someone made before; I'd take the recent hunky Batman over the old campy TV one any day! The space-alien premise of Ryōō Gakuen Ōtōsai could hardly be called "slice" of life pure Lucky Star, yet it's considered legitimate Lucky Star. I'd like to think my work could be given that kind of leniency. In fact, if I might be bold to borrow a mention last year, KyoAmi is slyly trying to expand Lucky Star into more exciting stories by masking fantasy and sci-fi takes of the show only as "dreams." Watch them pile it on in the next CD with a "Tron"-like MMORPG scenario with the girls. You heard it here first!
Without spilling the beans or spoiling suspense, if you understand Kanata's psyche situation, you should be keen to take everything she says and thinks with a grain of salt. The "over-bearing" med-techie chats give the clue.
Since to my and many otakus knowledge there is nothing in the manga or anime that specifically pins down their ages, and in lieu Soujirou's pedophile proclivities, I took the liberty of a best guess of placing him at seventeen years of age when he first ran into Kanata at the age of ten. That would comfortably fulfill the "childhood friends" mention in the anime if not the manga, further establish his lilicon status, and add the drama between the two. Placing them too close in age would drown the "titillation" factor (even Steven's it was her moppet appearance which drew him to her first way before feelings) and would be contrary research that pedophiles develop in their late teens from various inadequacies. This age gulf does not imply Soujirou was having any intimate relations with child-Kanata, only that he was hanging around with her (biding his time?) in typical pedophile buddy-buddy fashion till she reached majority. You can be a pedophile (a'la voyeur) without being a child molester, though my personal viewpoint doesn't really distinguish them that much. You can make them clownish and charming as a snake, but they're not good people. Get one for your babysitter if you feel that comfortable with them. Nevertheless I'm being very fair to Soujirou in my story in not presenting him as a drooling wolf pouncing on a lamb. I don't want it said my views are prejudicing his role in the story. Kanata "died" in my story just before age 20, more than a year into their marriage. If you went by the capricious ages mentioned on Wiki that Kanata expired at 28 or so (right. Can't imagine her being the same that long) and Soujirou was even older, then he'd be hitting his sixties on Konata's majority and I doubt that's his age in the anime or mange. Again, this age guessing thing is my assumption alone, and if it's off canon, at least take the modification as working aspect of the story.
I would surely hope Kanata would show SOME emotion learning her mother is alive! If not, then Soujirou's done more damage to her soul and emotions than we can imagine. There's a difference between being totally indifferent of having a known mother and knowing you were deprived the experience of having one. There's not a child or peer I know who wouldn't find themselves fascinated if not excited at the discovery that a once thought long dead parent was alive, especially one so identical. It's called being human, not just a human being.
Thank you readers for you support and comments. Not the least, I wish to thank Kagami no Renkinjutsushi for featuring this story in a pending fansub which I eagerly await with a giddy bated breath. I shall announce it soon as it comes out. Thank you Kagami no Renkinjutsushi and your VA crew!
As always I'd be happy to chat with you on my mailing list or via messages on my profile page. Time to return to my brunch. Please have a good day all.
| 8th Man 10/17/08 . chapter 1
It's another good chapter. Saw nothing wrong with it. Change is good. Better some in the OVA that stunk! Nothing there to get all hot and bothered over. I like Lucky Star stories done realistic too like some Lucky Star art is. Can't see where Sojun's getting screwed here. Kona-chan's acting like a real human person if you learned your mum or dad was alive. She's no robot. Who can have a problem with that?
I saw Chapter I beta sneak preview in mailing list but only allowed to say
Don't go by Wiki. Lucky Star Anime and Manga don't tell Sojun's or Kanatas age at all.
In Thaw story, Sojun was almost eighteen when he first saw Kanata who was almost eight then so that makes them childhood friends.
If you believe everything Kanata says you jumped the shark.
| Fictioneer 10/17/08 . chapter 2
I see no reason why Dee has to "label" her work as other than a Lucky Star fanfic. All other writers on FF who do blood and guts and mass murder themes in their "Lucky Star" stories don't, so why should she? She writes well-written interesting stories - the best that can be said of any writer. I've seen criticisms on her review pages so she definitely doesn't trash them, but your ranting nit-pickings makes mountains out of molehills. She's doing _ fanfiction_ not a dissertation for christsakes. If you're hitting her based the content of her stories then no one can do anything for you; if you don't like Tom Clancy then don't read Tom Clancy. You're very close to telling people WHAT to write, and there's a word for folks like that. That you don't hit other writers with your outrageous "standards" tells me your beef with Dee Eon is obviously personal, NOT academic. I for one wish you'd get off that high horse. It's really worst than irritating.
| KolibriKey 10/16/08 . chapter 2
An interesting Sci-fi storyline. Not my type, but I appreciate that you tried so far. However, characters are far OOC. I'm telling you, you need to label your stories.
I'll just be blunt here - none of you is being civil in this entire review thread. Dee, if there's anything you can do, it's to tell your fans to reel it in and accept criticism. It's difficult to respect an author who just labels every critic a troll - there *are* people out there who are trying their very best to calmly explain to you your problems. Please don't be so narrow in your world view and take it.
| nukerjsr 10/16/08 . chapter 2
The issue with this fic is that it reeks of the author's personal desire. We've seen you post how you hate Sojiro and think he's a dirty pedophile and you look at Kanata as some kind of transcendental goddess, so it feels just plain uncomfortable especially since this pulls away from the spirit of the show. (Note: Sojiro aged too, he was 26 Konata's Birth) And the need to put in constant explaination and reaction towards simple concept gets tiring. Especially, if we have to read over it three times to fully get it. A tip with writing usually includes reading something aloud BEFORE posting it.
I won't argue over the fact that you are the writer and you have the right to do what you feel like, but this glorification is just mind grating. People are apparently sending e-mails for, fandubbing and drawing your fic, so I don't see why there's any reason for complaining. There are people who get less hits and reviews. You're grown up, you can take it.
It's a real ivory tower situation since so many other writers in this fandom chat and handle critique well, with the exception of you. And while you complain how other people are allowed to write about murder, you don't read other people's stories. And every post made just returns to you giving off your rumors, praise, or hatred rather than an observation of what happened.
Just stop labeling it as something it really is. A Sci-Fi Fantasy Out of Character Shout-A-Thon. If you admit that, people won't be as hard. You have Tsukasa right, just treat everyone else as well as you treat her. Is that really difficult to do? Can you fight the cold without the need of a security blanket?
Keep that in mind if you think about continuing. Otherwise, the forces of Encyclopedia Dramatica will eat you alive.
| Fictioneer 10/16/08 . chapter 2
There's nothing else to say past -
Epic mix of well-writ techie info and family sentimentality and personal pathos! Plot twists are awesome, especially new sides of Konata's dad and a tender and vulnerable Konata sans the other girls. You've filled out a realistic not-so-perfect past for the way popularly angelic Kanata, even if we're only getting mangled hints and pieces. I'm looking forward to Kanata's encounter with the girls and whether she and Konata's dad are going to get it together again! Great job, two thumbs up! And way to go Kagami no Renkinjutsushi! Keep us abreast on your homepage on your fandub job! Uber awesome, dude!
Now excuse me while I step into the sewer here...
AKA Nukejar/NewYorkTimeOut and whoever troll alias you are stalking this poor lady all over the web - HEY dude-dudette, give it a REST, huh? You're NOT critiquing - never have! Trolls RANT! Where'd she slamming Kona's dad? Where'd the manga spell out Kona's dad was the same age as Kanata? Don't you read Kona refers him as the old man who married her mom? Do you need a CLUE that Kanata's head's not all there in this story? Don't puke that purist bullshit that this story isn't as Lucky Star any other fanfic! Just who the hell are you to say it isn't? It's called VARIETY! Try it! You might like it! If Nazi "purists" like you were in charge we wouldn't have any fresh takes on Battlestar Galactica or Batman or Ironman or anything. If you don't like Dee's universe, then quit brawling and ranting and get the hell out! Me, I'm going to buy popcorn and enjoy Kagami no Renkinjutsush's fandub of this story! Yea! Or are you going to rant jealous of Dee getting that RARE treatment too? You got one bad hang, guy-girl. I for one will always _pity_ your fool!
| The New York Time Out 10/16/08 . chapter 2
This is disgusting.
Did you not watch the show? Sojiro and Kanata were CHILDHOOD friends, not involved in some weird abusive pedobear relationship. The flashbacks of the two of them showed them at college age and struggling as a young couple TOGETHER. They were roughly the same age and yes, they were actually in love.
This is a classic fanfiction case of "I don't like the way the show went, I don't like this character, here's MY version where I re-write what I didn't like and turn this character I dislike into a total monster". The result? Badfic. I know that you idolize Kanata and like to think that she was a poor girl in denial of the abusive relationship she was in with the DESPICABLE Sojiro, but twisting the story around to suit your wacko fancies just produces garbage. This doesn't read as a Lucky Star story at all. The reviewer earlier was very right when he said that you may as well write an original fic with different characters, and it would make more sense.
You're obviously using Konata as your pedestal. She is SO out of character it's unbelievable. Where did this overflowing enthusiasm about her mom come from? She said herself that she didn't really miss her, and was always indifferent to the topic. Now suddenly, GOSH AND GOLLY GEE WILIKERS, MOM'S LIKE, BACK FROM THE DEAD AND THAT'S LIKE, SO UNREAL1! I THINK I NEED TO REPEAT THIS SENTIMENT A FEW HUNDRED TIMES BECAUSE WOW!1 You've completely re-written her. This isn't Konata. That's YOUR fan-worship and lament for Kanata, not hers.
Also, having to read a story more than once to comprehend what's going on amidst all the techno-babble is very irritating. That's not a stylistic thing, that means that you're a bad writer. If someone tried to cook soup and it wound up boiling over, exploding onto the ceiling, and tasting like mud, I suppose they should just say that it's their 'style' and that they're not a crappy cook.
Parody: "1 a humorous or satirical imitation of a serious piece of literature or writing: his hilarious parody of Hamlet's soliloquy." - There is nothing humorous about this story.
2 "any humorous, satirical, or burlesque imitation, as of a person, event, etc." - No humor, no satire, definitely not burlesque.
3 "a poor or feeble imitation or semblance; travesty: His acting is a parody of his past greatness." - THERE WE GO. So I guess by this definition, this IS a parody. Maybe your defense holds up a little.
And this "impotent guy" nonsense. While I can't speak for the other reviewers, I'd like to let your defenders know that I am NOT a guy. So continuing the sexist accusations really won't work anymore. I'll also reiterate that I am allowed to give you a nice, long, bad review, like it or not... and I will gladly exercise that right. Bye bye now.
| Metal Bahamut 10/16/08 . chapter 2
Now this is getting better ever chapter. Keep it up, mate!
| Kagami no Renkinjutsushi 10/16/08 . chapter 1
Chapter 2! Yay!
Now my thoughts...
This was a very touching chapter that reminded me of the Lovely Kagami fan comic i read a few days ago. Look forward for my audio take on this story and hope you like the cast i have.
| deleted1101 10/11/08 . chapter 1
... My, can this really have a happy ending? Very well written, and a good amount of imagination has been used here- well done!
| Dee Eon 10/5/08 . chapter 1
You know, if you had grace you'd really leave me alone, really. Please remember many other readers are seeing how you act here, and when your true identity is discovered you'll be highly embarrassed.
Now, I announced very early on in my other stories that I would post non-rabid "anon" reviews messaged me via my fanfiction bio page, and I've done just that. Check it out. I have that ability and right. It is notable that you're really the only person who continuously rants and carps and puts me down about my work.
If one has non-rabid anon criticisms of my work I will post it and have. No; I had re-posted a deleted Yamato response by someone who requested it back up to talk to you directed and was double posted. No 'gotcha' there. I don't make mistakes like that - and it's a shame I even have to because your carping 'critiques' utterly cluttered my story reviews. You can e-mail him for verification if you want if he agrees to it. I won't comment on your mention that Japan wasn't involved in the Cold War. As for the content of my stories, they are all "as is." If it's not your thing, then do the gentlemanly thing and walk on without an ill word please.
I just don't know how I got under your skin so all this long. Are you someone I once personally knew swiping back at me for some reason? E-mail and tell me! If not, then you're more than just nit-picking my story to death based on your personal joy; you're willfully harassing and besmirching me under different monikers which FF is supposed to be monitoring. I don't know what I did to deserve your bile so, but whatever it is I apologize. I am a peaceful person who only seeks friends not enemies or harassers, always have.
| The New York Time Out 10/5/08 . chapter 1
Dee, come on now. Knock it off. We're not stupid. You announced that you disabled anon reviews a while ago. Now that your new story has some criticism (OH NO), anon reviews are magically turned back on, and someone instantly shows up to defend you! Someone who sounds a lot like the other people who have come to *vehemently* defend you, who sound a lot like you. There are other authors in this community who have been given criticism and even flamed, and none of them are as well-defended by mysterious anons as you are. Not only that, but you were exposed defending yourself as a different persona, having forgotten to log out of your chikichakigirl account. On your Yamato story, right? Deal with your criticism as an adult, for god's sake. This person didn't even flame you, they were frank and honest and you flat out insulted them. That's pretty pathetic.
And it's not as if his criticism wasn't grounded. Your story is *VERY* un-Lucky Star. It's overly dramatic, overly sci-fi, and far too dark. Your Konata is extremely out of character and talks like a hyped-up cliche 90's cartoon hero. You show very little knowledge of Japan, and I wouldn't believe for a second that your characters are actually supposed to be living there. A top secret organization hidden outside of Sapporo? Sapporo is not a small town. Japan wasn't involved in the Cold War. Also, Sojiro's random Japan/America comparison was just weird and not the way people would speak about their own country. Your dialogue is showy, fanciful, and completely unbelievable. They sound like they're reading off of a script. Your overuse of big words and metaphors only detracts from your writing rather than adding to it. And quite frankly, your subject matter is ridiculous. The other characters have accepted Kanata's death, and maybe you should.
While I'm on a roll, that "Kaggie" bullshit bugs the hell out of me. What ever happened to "Kagamin"? Whatever happened to Konata ending her sentences with a period every now and then? What happened to the slice-of-life comedy that this show is all about? It's not here, and therefore I have to agree completely with Shadow. It's as if you've stolen the names and written your own novel with them.
Sorry this isn't an anon review that you can delete, and sorry that your little anon "friends" rushing to your aid won't do anything to deter me either. You're a big fan of pretending to be a guy and "calling people out", so how about you actually respond yourself, for once? Oh no, someone doesn't like your story and they actually SAID so, what are you going to do? :P
| 8th Man 10/5/08 . chapter 1
Good tight story and waiting on chapter two. Kanata Lives! Yea!
As far as I can see, the elements of this story bear nearly no connection with
Lucky*Star. I did a find-replace of all the character names and it still made
I'm sorry, I can't call this a fanfic that way. It's more like you stole names to write a novel.
Silenced Shadow, you must live in a very closed dim lonely world without sequels, spin-offs, parody, satire, sarcasm, play-ons, imitation, caricatures and creativity. This story Kanata Thawed is way more legit a Lucky Star story than lots others turning the girls into blood and guts warriors and head cases but I don't see you picking on them. Why? I was going to say lighten up man, but instead I pity your sorry grudge. If you want to find me meet me at mibarnes yahoo com.