 Pepipanda 2008-09-28 . chapter 1No! ... Sorry. I wrote this really long awesome review, but my internet cut out when it was being submitted and it's gone. I'll just have to rewrite it.
Your description of Zuko's time after the Agni Kai fits with canon(except for The Western Air Temple, but I didn't think that bit was realistic anyway) and it really fits well with the characters. I can see Ozai being cruel enough to not even visit his wounded son, even though he probably knows that's what he wants most. Or maybe going to see him would be crueler, because Zuko would have had to face the reality that his father didn't love him, firsthand, again, albeit differently.
I like how you used the same structure for the first parts with Zuko and Iroh. It's good setup.
I wonder if that invitation was really an invitation, or one of those requests that's really an order. I wouldn't put that past Ozai. ... It doesn't matter, but I was thinking about it.
I never thought of the search for the Avatar as an honorable tradition, but the way you put it makes it very plausible. From what I understand, it's a limited time thing where you aren't really expected to succeed and are welcomed home afterward with no repercussions for failure. Too bad Zuko's isn't going to work that way.
Another thing I never thought of: Iroh considering staying with Azula instead of going with Zuko. I can see that the choice is difficult for Iroh and he doesn't know whether he will help or hurt Zuko by going with him.
I like how Iroh thinks about the things he likes, and how to make them appeal to Azula, who is very different from himself.
Yeah, changing the dressings will likely hurt a lot, since the burns would probably stick to the bandages and removing anything that stuck firmly to you, especially over a wound, really hurts.
I know what it's like to want to talk to someone about something, but not be able to do it. To not be able to force yourself to just go and broach the subject and get it over with. Rehearsing what you want to say over and over but never really being satisfied and thinking that you were going to get a bad reaction.
Azula would become powerful whichever choice he makes. Yeah, I have to agree with that. She is too smart and cold for things to turn out any other way. It's with Zuko that Iroh can really make a difference in someone's life. I've read some stories in which Zuko commits suicide. I don't think that's likely since he is too driven and, as Iroh says, "The Avatar give Zuko hope.", but it's an interesting point for people to make.
Again, Zuko's state is pretty realistic. I don't get how they think that he would be traveling and such a week after being burned(unless there was a lot of time between the Agni Kai and the banishment, which I doubt). I mean, if you listen closely in The Storm, you can hear that it's not the usual quick burst of firebending when Ozai burns Zuko, but a sustained, pulsating stream. The sound effect continues about as long as you hear the scream.
It feels complete without the last line, but it's much better with it. Without it, it comes off as a happy story and ends on a very nice note, but with that ending line, it puts even more focus on Iroh's choice and I think that's important.
There was something I really liked about this. Maybe it was the wording, or just the story itself, or the flow, but it was really good!
I think making this Iroh centric was also a good decision, because of that emphasis on the decision and the contemplation, but might you think about writing a partner to this from Zuko's perspective? I'd find it interesting to see what he thinks, particularly when his uncle comes in.
*Great* job!
Pepipanda |