Oh my god...that was one if the best stories I have ever read! You should write a book! I mean, you made my fucking cry! Write now I'm crying...I need klynex...

I fucking LOVE it! I like how stans on the bottem, I don't like stan being on top. I love how you wrote the charaters!! People always write Kyle being all cute and shit...I mean, come on!! Stan is the animal loving fag!! Kyle is just smart so it makes him seem like he would be on the bottem...

Oops, sorry. Forcing my likings on you. You might like Kyle taking it up his ass.
Anyhoo,
Have I said that you are a awesome writer and should write a fucking book. You made me fucking cry! Twilight did not make me cry!! >:( but maybe that's because I want to stad bells with sharp things...but--agh! A I'm ranting again!! Sorry, keep writing awesome stories! Love the end! It Made me cry how well you put the sadness of Kyle and stan...and stan at the end! God! Makes me want to run out in the rain and scream...god :'(

Good Lord, I think I'm going to cry D: D:

Hey, I like this chapter’s presentation a lot! There was a lot of dialogue in the last chapter, and it was well-written, but good dialogue is still telling and not showing. Here, I love the look we’ve gotten into Stan’s mind. It is a much cleaner vehicle for plot progression. It validates him as a character, since we haven’t seen him until now, and also gives some insight into his motives. You avoided the (literal) flashback trope without skimping on information! Lovely job.

The past’s Kyle has a lot of life, a lot more fight--that was a really nice way to show the emotional changes that he’s been through! I have mixed feelings about Stan’s epiphany--on one hand, it feels so sudden and unprompted that it almost negates all the work you did justifying him in his ignorance, but on the other, it’s a good indicator that he was always subconsciously aware of Kyle’s reluctance. How did you mean it? He flips so frequently between disbelief and complete acceptance. If this was deliberate, I give you props, because this Stan has always been at extremes. And now we understand what’s made him that way.

(This is more concrit, I’ll understand if you skip: I must admit that I feel emotionally manipulated right now. “Endless tears” and “sobbing relentlessly” are two phrases that badly disenchant me because they’re so heavy and cliché. I mean, I’m not even still on the same psychosomatic playing field! I don’t know if forgive Stan for hitting Kyle or Kyle for pretending to love Stan. I’m not sympathetic towards either character, only their circumstances--I mean, yes, I’m upset by it, but I don’t think sentimentalism can fairly be called a product of great storytelling unless it’s accompanied by closure and behavioral consistency. This isn’t finished, so I assume you’ll tie this up neatly--again, I trust you--but Stan and Kyle are strange, unrelatable characters because they’re molded not around any definitive traits, but what’ll create more situational drama. I want to feel bad for Stan because he’s living a lie and he’s in love, but he apparently always knew he was living a lie, and then hit Kyle to vent! And Kyle, I want to care for him because he got hit and he’s making a huge sacrifice for his friend, but what kind of person really thinks it’s best to lie to someone about being in love? See, Kenny and Cartman are solid. So stable, so great. But Stan and Kyle don’t strike me as their own people--they feel like they’re merely derivative of the storyline, and that’s not how it should be. It should be the other way around.)

I don’t mean to sound so butthurt and picky, really. There is so much that I’m enjoying about this fic, and I can’t tear myself away--I just want to explain why it frustrates me, in hopes that you’ll address it all in the conclusion. Emotion is very hard for me in writing, both conveying and processing…I just believe there’s a more honest way to express it. I know you can do it, but you need to ground these characters somehow before you can do all of your intricacies justice. There is so much great work here that you undercut with clichéd sentiment. You won’t need to write gut-punches of emotion if we care about Stan and Kyle on a deeper, more personal level.

I am so sorry if I insulted you, and I really meant it when I say I want to be honest because I respect you. Please let me know if you’re offended so we can talk it out. I’m eager to see where you take this story, and I’ll be watching for updates--your writing has so many undeniable strengths, and I’m sure they’ll just get stronger.

Ooh, this is shocking! In retrospect, Kenny’s perception of Stan and Kyle is pretty off, isn’t it? Even more than the first chapter, I love how Kenny is functioning in the story--in addition to being the canon (well, fanon, I guess) concession to the StanxKyle argument, he is a representation of the limitations of first-person narrative. Now, I’m not normally a fan of multiple first-person points of view--I feel like that kind of thing is better accomplished in third-person territory--but the emotional contrast of Kenny and Kyle is interesting.

Again, I also like Cartman and Kyle as grudging confidants. I have a feeling that they could eventually get along not despite their animosity, but because of it. You portrayed this type of relationship without compromising their characterization. Great work. My favorite part of this fic is all the relational nuance; thank you for paying attention to it on so many different levels.

(I’m sorry if you aren’t looking for concrit, so please don’t mind me if this is too forward, but I have to air my opinions about Kyle’s scenario: I have trouble believing it. I think that for anyone to willingly stay in a relationship solely for another person’s benefit is extremely implausible, let alone if it demanded a change of sexual preference. I can’t think of anyone who would act that selflessly, and especially not Kyle. It’s nothing short of sainthood. Kyle’s not a saint, he’s a bastard; your words. I know that you’re trying to demonstrate the breadth of Kyle’s PLATONIC love for Stan, but this is a very romantic concept that doesn’t fly in real life. There is a huge gap between emotional and physical attraction. Huge. Anyone who can meld those two wildly differing concepts to this extent either possesses more psychological problems than Kyle does, or would very, very quickly develop more psychological problems than Kyle currently has. I feel like we’d see more signs of mental disquiet. In my mind, this situation also makes both characters unsympathetic: Stan now seems unappreciative and delusional and can’t even pinpoint a huge source of his boyfriend’s distress, and Kyle is now lying to his best friend, which is only “kind” in an extremely backhanded way because it ultimately hurts them both.)

Again, I’m really sorry if this is too presumptuous, but I respect you so much that I want to stay honest with you. Obviously I’m not a writing authority in any sense of the word, so take whatever you want, and throw out what you don’t need. I’m just one person. One person who is reading on now! Cheers!

Hooray! There was a Cartman reference in the first chapter, and I was hoping he’d get some air time! That’s a writing pitfall that I’m always getting stuck in--South Park name-dropping, followed by no lead up. You clearly don’t have this problem. Also, your Cartman is so awesome and abrasive. I like how you’ve given Kenny some spine, which is supported by the show and your portrayal of him in the first chapter. Lovely detail!

It’s interesting that Cartman knew more about Stan and Kyle’s discord than Kenny did. Even better, Cartman totally cares in his own aggressive way! I’m a huge advocate of Kyle being an asshole, so the part where Cartman calls him a bastard really speaks to me. This chapter was a good way to sort of explore all of their relationships without boring expository. I get the feeling it’s more setup than plot progression, because we didn’t learn too much more about Stan--but it’s necessary backstory, right? I assume so. I’m trusting you!

Another great update, moving on!

Hi hi! I know I’ve owed you feedback and your half of the exchange for forever, but I’m currently Photoshopless, and I’d feel bad doing nothing productive during break! Reviewing is the least I can do. So so sorry it took me so freaking long.

Okay. Usually I balk at abusive!Stan stories because it’s way out of sync with my conception of his character (I’m of the opinion that Stan would more likely curl into a fetal position and weep along to tacky love songs, pft), but I can stomach this one so far because you described their relationship as mutually abusive. I appreciate that it goes both ways; no one’s been excessively victimized yet. I still want to hear more about this universe’s Stan…what was his breaking point? Why Stan, and not Kyle? I love that ambiguity.

Kenny is such a sympathetic and relatable narrator, great choice on your part. He’s a perfect opening voice. He put my skepticism into his own wods: you set Stan and Kyle up as a super couple, and I’m already intrigued by the workings of their romance, especially since it’s clearly not as functional as it seems. Oh, and I’m such a whore for Tweek, and your referencing him in passing makes me way too happy. This is such a good opening chapter! Can’t wait to move on!

(P.S. Hey, grammar issues don’t get better with age, but they do with diligence and editing! If you want to improve, then you can do it. Don’t sell yourself short.)

*sucks in a breath* Oh my. Oh my, my, my... It feels like such a long time since I've read such a great SP fic, and the plot completely darkens my coffee no matter how much sugar I try to put in it.

I adore this; even though I wish I could read an SP fic where it's all happiness, sunshine, rainbows, and neon colored unicorns, but SP would be total crack if that were ever to happen.

The rawness of each character's feelings are unbearably enticing, and half of the time I'm debating which character I want to K.O., just so all the drama would end. This is lovely FG, please keep up the excellent work!

I'm not really one for stories with inevitable sad endings, but this one is very good. I wanna give Stan a big hug.

You made me cry, so I hate you. But I like the story.

This made me sob.
Especially the last chapter.
Excellently written, I love the emotion.

Happened to me just recently.
I'm still recovering, I'm like an empty shell.
I haven't been able to cry until now.
Thanks, I needed it.

this is a very original story and one that is totally convincing. the resolution is also great. really good job.
great writing style, too!

oh man i can't wait to find out wat happens to stan and kyle next. please update soon, i would really like that :)

I have no idea why, but I absolutely love Cartman in this. He's just such a sweet jerk.

That...was an amazing twist. I am in awe. Simply in awe.

Alright, now that I've gotten over that...

I have to admit, a story that's almost anti Style is quite refreshing - that's saying a lot for me, someone who obsessed over your Styles.

This is simply wonderful. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Oh man, the suspense. I dying to read the next chapter.
I hope you update soon!