This wasn't too bad though it could have been a little more thought out but just keep practicing and do your best.

Did you actually write this one, Stace? If so, you should know that, HEY, Harry says Voldemort's name when he mentions that it's taboo. Shouldn't the DEs show up THEN, instead of waiting for Harry to say it again?

The writing is terrible, the grammar and punctuation are awful, the plot isn't even written out . . . I hope, for your sake, that you stole this from a 6-year-old kid.

Well, you're looking for writing tips, so here goes . . .

The dialogue between the trio in the beginning seemed rather stilted.

There was really no attempt at getting into the characters' heads. More should be done showing their emotions; their fears, their worries as they prepare to return to Hogwarts.

Harry bringing up Voldemort's blood purity was a good twist, which JKR probably should have made more of in the books. Maybe more could have been done with the Death Eaters' reaction to this.

Voldemort's death happened too easily. If he is one of the most powerful wizards ever, there should be more of a battle with him before the death blow is delivered.

Hope that helps. Keep on writing.