|Reviews for To Mend A Heart|
| Joel Connell 3/27/10 . chapter 8
Great chapter you have there.
While I understand why you cannot have the sub plot with Ron getting close to Tara's family, can you at least introduce them even if it is brief.
Also, I agree with some people that you could have Ron find out some big secret of Bonnie's (from Tara maybe) and use it to stop her little vendetta.
Finally, when Tara and Ron do meet up again, you should have them talk about Kim's letter with Tara offering her two cents about it and having her talk to kim as well to show that even though Kim had good intentions, she could have handled it better. You could also if the blackmail angle with Bonnie does not work with you, then you could have her finally cross a line with her verbal barbs and have Ron finally snap on her and show her not to mess with her. That might give her some clause to back off.
These are just suggestions, whatever you do will work best
| jhy 3/27/10 . chapter 8
Stop tryin to justify kim and friends and make us sympathise with them. just makes me hate them more
| Wu the Lotus Blossum 3/27/10 . chapter 8
Personally I think Kims gettin off way to easy. Feels like your desperately tryin to redeem and justify her charector even though shes in the wrong and Ron shouldent be so quick to forgive, though thats my opinion. And I cant believe you tried to reddem Manky either when he cleary stole Kim, at least make him bad, someone has to be bad and it cant be Bonnie as it seems your tryin to do. Another thing, this storys labeled as Ron and Tara yet shes been in 3 chapters, I honestly dont know if you plan for them to hook up or for Kim and Ron to get back together, you dont make it very clear.
| Harbinger Of Kaos 3/26/10 . chapter 8
First off great story, Ron wa, is andwill be my favorite character simply because like him im the underdog and the outcast who strives to the top, as much as want to forgive Kim i cant, she may of had valid reason but she made the wrong choices, so im with Monique their, the rest not so much, still maybe Tara can heal his wound, just one thing PLEASE have Ron take Bonnie down a peg,she is such a pain, and she definitly shouldnt of abused her Frienship with Tara to get back at them.
| aedan cameron 3/26/10 . chapter 8
Aedan Cameron writes: A heartbreaking, but enjoyable chapter. Two thumbs up.
| AMC 3/26/10 . chapter 8
One last thought just keep this mind Shadow. What if this was all a bad dream that Ron or Kim had just woke up from. Or a joint dream like the one they had in the show, has warning of what consequences will occur if they (especially Kim) made these terrible mistakes.
I just write things that come to mind.
| Slipgate 3/26/10 . chapter 8
Sorry, I don't mean to hammer you, but a thought that I meant to say before that I forgot to add.
You change focus each chapter on what's really going on, and try to make the story fit the new events. For example, in the previous chapter, the best that could be come up with for the things Kim vented to Josh about were things like the dates where he used the coupon book, even though that sounded like griping that was resolved. See, at the end of chapter 7, I had this picture that Josh had been hearing griping from Kim about the coupon book or other things that Ron had actually since dealt with... where he would hear the griping and not the fact that Ron remedied the situation (got the Smartymart job, or did whatever else)... and that he might've thought Kim needed someone to treat her better under what turned out to be false pretenses, where if she'd ever talked to him about how he DID get a job to help pay for dates, he did do this, he did do that, he might actually be upset that he came between a couple where any faults of the guy were being dealt with as they came up and he was only hearing the griping and not the fact that the guy was fixing the situations as they came to his attention.
Another poignant thing last chapter was that Ron reflected that he had thought he could at least trust Kim on the food chain but then found that everyone on the food chain was terrible to him since Kim was too. That was in the previous chapter and that's a hesitation that could play out for him (and should, with how Tara spilled to Bonnie) in the future. He thought at least his best friend wouldn't be like that and she was. Then suddenly you're trying to make Kim not be at fault for something that was written that way at first.
I get the impression you early on just had Kim as nasty and in seeing all these reviews are trying to spell out the situation differently... this chapter 8 is the first time it wasn't Kim fully culpable. I think the story has changed from the one you might've originally told when you began the story... the title was "To Mend a Heart" implying that Ron had been wronged and would eventually be mended, not that he was responsible for Kim's faithlessness. You're trying to make the situation more complex and rounded and also trying to defuse hate for Kim or Josh you're seeing in these reviews.
However, the things Kim did are pretty horrible, and Josh is hard to trust because he DID kiss her, and then start dating her, before she'd fully decided to split with Ron, meaning he was facilitating two-timing. If he'd at least talked to her, advised her, and if she'd broken up with Ron and then dated Josh, that wouldn't be quite the same kind of poaching. (Remember, one problem with cheating is that the person you're cheating with can never trust that you won't do the same to them if you commit to them.) And the other problem is that if Josh IS the good guy you're trying to say now, who was treating Kim as Ron should've, and who is being a rock for her now... well, even with how chapter 8 updates the situation you get the impression, going back to my first paragraph, that Josh will be a bit nonplussed that Kim told Ron the opposite of what he needed to hear - didn't complain about the things that she needed to complain about and that she complained about only to Josh himself, and so on. Even as this updates the situation you get the impression that if he knew Ron was clueless to Kim's dissatisfactions (instead of ignoring them as he seems to think) he would've preferred Kim telling Ron these things at the time and may in fact wonder why she didn't.
This seems to be a common thread in the reviews I see that are criticizing what happens, but I should tell you I don't have much heart for reading about breakups like this one, or even struggles depending on the severity of the struggle. I've already lived certain unpleasantness and was able to get over some of that unpleasantness thanks to the Kim Possible show, so something that puts things I've already dealt with into Kim Possible isn't something I'm going to be raring to read. I KNOW I have biases here (I noted them in my previous review)... I'm just trying to provide some thoughts or advice on your story insofar as I can, and you can read this review and my previous review through the filter of that, as I also said in that previous review.
| VyseN 3/26/10 . chapter 8
Even after this, I still can't get myself to forgive Kim. I know how much it sucks to find out your gf is dating another guy, and that's a complete break for me. Just thinking about people actually doing this to a person who loves them is revolting, and in my eyes, completely unforgivable. Now I know Kim didn't get down and dirty with Mankey, but she dated another man while still going out with Ron... the one person who trust her more than anyone in the entire world. That's a showing of disloyalty of a dimension so large, I don't even see any reason for them to ever work it out. In my eyes, it's impossible to make a reunion between them where they rekindle their friendship believable, so I hope to God that doesn't happen.
Well, God isn't writing this story, so it's up to you. If you think you can salvage their "friendship", you're more than welcome to do so. I'll still read the story, and most likely even like it. I just won't believe them ever becoming friends again, because a girl who cheats on her bf is a character I will connect to the girl who did that to me, and I don't ever want to see her again.
Best of luck with your story, and I'll be looking forward to the next chapter. This entire fandom really lacks crack pairing support, so I'm glad at least someone dares to do it.
| soulman3 3/26/10 . chapter 8
Let's start alway to the end with the letter.I like how you write Kim's feel the emotional of guilt and told it like it thou as a guy it kind of tick me off!Half of did have reason to would leave a possiblity of starting fix would be harder.
It will be defentily tougher to be friends again when the guy who stole you're girl is arm around in front of would be a deal for most have had a long history of their's a chance?As long she doesn't try and make them become has too much of a navie nuture to 's face facts, tv life and real world are not the same.
I think i'm not going worry about Ron and Josh a new guy character as come in to intreduce Scott into this might confront Josh about Kim?Scott might try something if Kim dump Ron for a better guy, he see himself better then could easily start a chain of a events choas!
I hope Monqiue and Felix don't compair notice about their will end didn't meant to, but they drew lines on who side their on.
Nothing personal but Ron and Kim shouldn't take love advise dateless if they both had points.
Thanks for read my review.
| Hippie Painter 3/26/10 . chapter 8
dang I wonder what Ron will do next I think he should go to japan for the next moth and meditate on his pros and cons that just and idea
| WrItErSbLoCk 3/25/10 . chapter 8
Too bad, Ron can't go back in time to prevent these thing for happening. And let himself know what could be done. I writing this idea because a friend of mine suggest an evil thought and idea about stealing the Time Monkey (seeing if it was destroyed "A Sitch Time" in a different time line it would still exist in the present) and assassinate Josh before he got the chance to make a move on Kim after Ron and Kim got together with each other. Giving Ron a chance to improve.
But what I suggested was a little less dark. Just have Ron steal the Time Monkey and go back a few months and have talk with himself and tell himself what can he do to help his relationship before Josh comes along, without telling the outcome of what happens if he doesn't improve. You don't want certain "loyalties" being question do we? But that would be too way easy, would it?
Well all and all there is one thing that we can agree on. WE BOTH HATE JOSH! and Kim and Ron with anyone else is kind of painful. I know it's still a bit early to suggest but I hope this story has a happy ending that we can all love. But it's your story do what like. You are great writer by the way.
My friend is just joking Ha,ha,ha...I think?
| AMC 3/25/10 . chapter 8
And another thing when Kim wrote "Until that time, I have someone who does love me". She seemed to have forgotten that Ron loved her and I believe more than anyone else (Including Monkey oh I mean Mankey). I hope she realizes that someday.
| King Of Anime 3/25/10 . chapter 8
I loved this chapter, you made the dialogue pop and it really showed Ron and Kim's feeling. I also enjoyed that line from Aladdin, nice touch. You are a great writer, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I hope Kim and Ron can come to some kind of bridge and cross it together. Tara I'm still looking out for. I wonder what she add to this already crazy mix. Looking forward to the next chapter. KingOAnime.
| Slyrr 3/25/10 . chapter 8
Well, my sympathies still lie more with Ron. Maybe it's because I'm a guy and have no clue how girls think :) If it had been me, I'd have thought the same things I think. 'Why didn't she just let me know what to do/how to act instead of dumping me?' Ba-da-bing, problem solved. Instead, couples always wind up trying to second guess each other and wind up with ill feelings.
I'm not sure how I feel about how both Felix and Monique enabled the misunderstandings in this chapter. I figured they'd both be trying to help them mend fences. Especially since Monique was the one who said 'stand by your Ron' in StD. Then again, she didn't say much when Kim flipped for Eric.
I'll still be interested in seeing where the story goes, but it's tough to see stories where Kim and Ron are on the outs. I just like 'em so much...
PS: Nice tribute to the line from Aladdin. (it's 'fleas' - to 'flee' means to run from something)
| AMC 3/25/10 . chapter 8
I agree with everyone who reviewed. How you describe Ron to be is kind of off. I know Ron can be clueless at times, to make seem inconsiderate is a bit much. Oh yeah, I really hope Josh tries to make it better, so that way Ron has a reason to kick his ass.