   CraftyNotepad
2008-12-04 . chapter 2"All I could do was not in a range of movement. I just stood up in my seat, watching her walk away." -- Good imagery, and I can see what you are cleverly relaying here. Could you polish it up just a bit to be smoother?
Just some spelling and punctuation to clear up that a spell checker misses:
ware off -- wear
were together. -- we're
your not the only one -- you're
its harder than we both thought -- it's
its easier to fall apart -- it's
I here her say over the sound of tinkling. -- hear
Now I'm just glad I'm faced away from her, she can't see me at my worst. -- ;
its once again silent. Now its like an -- it's, it's
leaning in to her roughly, -- into
lots of periods to replace with commas and capitals to return to lower-case when dialogue ends, such as: "... passengers to there seats." The attendant said. -- their seats," the attendant said.
We're kept in the moment through both chapters, by changing scenes, internal and external dialogue, and wonderful conflict -- you've done an amazing job here! I'm a bit concerned that your desire to get these two love birds together is being resolved by chapter two and will be curious to see what happens next! Maybe the title says it all!
Best
CraftyNotepad
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