It does appear that you are really trying, and the effort is appreciated. Your fics are getting better. If they were completely terrible and not improving I would not waste time responding, but since you seem to really enjoy writing I hope that some of my advice has helped, even if you choose not to take it. :-)
AL

Please understand that I mean this to be constructive criticism:

When you write about certain topics that you probably do not have first hand knowledge of, it is a good idea to do a little research. For example, a bake sale and a week of rest cannot cure leukemia. I am glad that there looks like a happy ending is in store for Kayla, but it's not terribly believable. Try going to google and searching 'treating leukemia' for information.

AL

I'm starting to have considerable trouble with seeing this fic as realistic...

Dawn was just randomly yelling at Mary Anne? What was she yelling? That seems a bit immature, even for thirteen year olds... And because Mary Anne tattled Dawn is totally grounded for two weeks? That doesn't exactly work in canon - the girls usually work things out for themselves, and the punishment seems overly harsh. And it was so traumatic than Mary Anne is having nightmares about it?

Mary Anne seems awfully selfish too. "Imagine losing a friend you just met?" she asks, after talking to a girl whose identical twin has just been diagnosed with cancer. And you say it several times. She says it to her father, she says it to the reader, etc.

And because Dawn is punished she won't be allowed to help raise money for a girl with cancer?

One suggestion I have is to try to finds new names. I find it very odd that one girl was given the first name that her parents already gave to an older child as a middle name. You can try looking on baby name world. com (no spaces) to find interesting, popular and ethnically-based names and their meanings. :-)

AL

I've said it before, and I'll say it again--you really do write precisely exactly like Ann M. Martin.

I like this! I think it's so lovely the way Mary Anne and the rest of the BSC treat Kayla and Kaylee. Surprised that no-one else has teased the twins about their skin since the beginning, though - by all accounts, Jessi had a pretty rough time of it when she first moved to Stoneybrook.

This is boring and vapid... like your other fanfics. Why do you write about the same garbage? Not every movie and story has friendship embedded in it. Have you ever seen any other types of movies? Besides Comedies, Children movies and what not. I discovered the same trend in all your fanfics... everything is the same. Everyone talks in a monotone manner. No one has a shread of personality in them. Everyone is so robotic and grey.

Where is the emotion? Characters need emotion to interact within each other. Everyone seems ratther calm when they talk. Have they all been bitten by the Beast of Boredem?

You overuse said way too much.

Your beta reader is not doing a good job. I do see some help with the spelling, but that's it.

You need to find better subjects to write about with your fanfics. I am sick of seeing the same thing from you. Not everything needs friendship or some usless plot device.. like the Dawn's Dream World fanfic.

I am sick of hearing the Moany dreams.. the 'MY STOMACH!' or 'I don't trust my stomach.' It's getting old. It's getting tiresome. You need to figure out what a plot is.. what a good beginning, middle and end are. None of your stories have plots. You over write chapters to the point each story is predictable and the same.

Stick with short stories or one shots. Worite chapters when you get better.

Do NOT reply to this...

I am on the end of my ropes with you... either learn what a plot is.. or don't write anymore.

Hey guys. I have taken over betaing this story for Elizabeth. I think this story is getting better. What do you guys think?

Getting better. But you do need to proofread your chapters better. I noticed several mistakes.

I have left a few reviews for Elizabeth8289's BSC fanfics in the past. In these reviews, I have said how irritating I find it that advice is not taken and stories are deleted and reposted continuously. I now feel quite ashamed.
I was very annoyed yesterday when this was done again on another fanfic called "Mary Anne gets heart disease" which has since been deleted again. I googled Elizabeth8289 to see if the author was in fact playing games with readers and finding the whole thing amusing and, suffice to say, I found something via another BSC site about a book that she has published and accompanying author details, that made me feel very bad about the reviews I had given.
I am not going to go into what I found here as it is not my place to do so but suggest that anyone giving Elizabeth a hard time does the same as I did- the information is in the public domain so I do not feel that I am breaching confidences.
I would urge people thinking about leaving critical reviews to think again. Elizabeth reacts in the way that she does to criticism for a reason. She enjoys writing and getting positive reviews so I would like to encourage people to do just that- let her enjoy her stories and maybe just back off a bit.
I am sorry Elizabeth x

Glad to hear it! She seems to be doing better and I wish her(and you, the beta) the best of luck!

Actually, she does have a helper, I'm having a go at trying to help. It's just that I didn't appreciate how hard it actually is as I don't want to rewrite the story or anything for her and it is entirely possible I missed a few bits and pieces, but it's a learning curve for me too.

Elizabeth really does want to improve as a writer and she does work really hard, so I'm hoping that she won't get the abuse that she did before. It doesn't help anyone and can be hurtful. However, constructive advice is great.

Keep working hard, Elizabeth :)

-Helen

Yeah... don't take this the wrong way, but when you say you have a "helper" I don't believe you.

This story is better, mainly because you don't have to research so much but there are some pointers I would like to make:

1) Information is good but information dumps? Not so much.

2) Re-read your work. You say that the BSC has met Kaylee in most of their classes but then say she moved there the day before. If MA met Kaylee before school started to fight off Shawna and co. in the morning before classes, how did she meet her? The time line doesn't match up.

3) I've noticed the twins are a combination of all the cool factors of the BSC. You may want to add some original traits.

KEEP WORKING AT YOUR STORIES. DELETING THEM TO GET BETTER REVIEWS WON'T TEACH YOU ANYTHING.

Interesting story...very... But I don't think you have to introduce the characters like the Author, Anne M. Martin. Instead you can just add that information casually while you make your characters interact, it makes the story more interesting and flow more, and the readers more hooked to the story...

I also think Mary Anne's dialog can be a little more elaborated. She would probably say more than, "Whoa, I'm going to be confused if I meet her." Like real life, people say more in dialog so the conversation flows more.. Maybe, "Whoa, how will I tell you two apart now?" or something like that... I have the same problem... xD

I also heard that in a dialog instead of "." at the end when the sentence ends with something like \asked Kaylee\ it's more natural to put ",". Both are right, I just heard ,'s are more natural unless it's a ! or ?.

Kayla & Kaylee are also very sudden into the plot, even though it could happen. If it were me, I would've had Jessie in the place since she *has* experienced racism in the series when she moved... And the timing if of your series is good too, it's right when Jessie could've moved to Stoneybrook...

Other than that, not a bad story, tweak it a bit & it will attract all kinds of audiences...