This is a very good story so far. Krystal did get over her hatred of Fox pretty quickly though. Too bad Dash is dead. Finally there's a good monkey and now he's dead :(

Oh well, keep up the good work.

Yay, they're back together again!
Interesting sequence for the chapter, with the race and Krystal's crash leading to Fox and Krystal's reconciliation. Looking forward to seeing what you write next!

YAYZ!

Aw man! Why wont they leave him alone

Very good job! I can tell you've got some serious potential, and your style of writing will only improve with time.

First off, a most fitting writing style. I have a habit, bad or good, to study such things. Second, I must disagree slightly on Falco's opinion of Fox. If you are familiar with several game endings, then you should no Pigma's revenge (Or Revenge of Pigma, I don't know them apart by name). One of them is Falco making his own team. The other one leaves Fox and Falco out in the cold, and Falco remain a vigilant and faithful friend. I do not believe he would be so cruel to fox. Either way, it still is a good story.

Okay, there was a bit of a gap between the decision to rescue Falco and Krystal's/Kursed's interrogation that gets interrupted, but otherwise it's a pretty well-written chapter. Looking forward to more!

I'm sensing a bit of tension in this chapter. Mind telln why everyone is pissed at McCloud? Regardless good chapter

Very nice. A bit bouncy but it still felt like a movie. A on the boring side but good.

heray for on time ness, haha good chapter, not as much detail as i thought it would be, i mean this as in im still not sure where the story is going so far, but ive noticed some clues catching in on the story
keep it up!

good start keep writing and gget the next chapter up quick

Whoa...felt like watching a video a bit. Anyway this looks awesome. Swung a bit too much. Very good though.

excellent begining, it keeps options high, and so far, you seem like you know exactly what your doing, you jump through different characters to know different views, and make sure the reader knows whats going on
keep it up

Pretty good. I really wanna see how this goes...especially because of the Fox & Krystal pairing. Keep impressing me!