Very interesting story.

**Yes, Suoh’s demon form is . . . a giant collie…** What is it, girl? Little Tamaki has fallen down a well? Oh, fallen into Hell! What’s that, girl? So you killed him and imprisoned his soul? And this means we’ll never have to go rescue the little baka again? Good girl, Lass -- I mean, Antoinette!

-

**"You told Antoinette I’m annoying!"

"You are. Who is Antoinette?"

"Mother, our sweet little girl is being disrespectful of her elders!"

"Wait. You named the demon?" Haruhi blinked. "You named the demon Antoinette?"** Okay, they’re talking about the Collie-demon, right? And so, it’s the REAL Tamaki she’s taking to now? Does this mean that, although the Host is male, the demon is female? Do demons even HAVE male & female gender? Or was naming it Antoinette simply Tamaki’s way of being a smarty-pants?


**Suoh dropped to his knees in an attitude between supplication and adoration.

"I was defeated by a pretty warrior for love and beauty!"** …at which time, Haruhi realized she COULD kill the jerk after all!


**Haruhi felt the unaccustomed draft with dreadful recognition. She looked down. The miniskirt this time was an insipid white and pink, with streamers and far too many bows. When she drew her blade it had sprouted roses and hearts and fuschia jewels.

"I am NOT a Magical Girl!"** I LOVE IT!


**"Absolutely the wrong colors, King Idiot," one twin announced.

"... and too, too last decade."

"Don’t worry, Fujioka-kun. We’ll put together something in blue or green ..."

"For you to be buried in . . . ."

". . . if anything is left to bury."** Oh, thank you, dear boys. Do these twins finish each others’ sentences constantly in the Canon? Because they sounds suspiciously like the movie version(s) of Fred & George Weasley!


**Between one syllable and the next Haruhi found herself in something like a jungle, filled with leaves that were not merely green, and flowers in rancid chemical hues. A bunch of slender stalks trembled near her. A wormlike head with compound eyes the size of dinner plates burst out of the ground under them. What had looked like grasses were its feelers. The eyes glittered, and then swarmed away, each facet a shining beetle’s wing. The head split lengthwise. Shaggy leaves sprouted from it, and reached for her with thorn-covered palms.

She dodged, dropped to the ground to avoid saplings that lunged at her like spears, rolled through a rain of acid from golden flowers, and scrambled up again.** I’m not surprised there’s a reference to "dropping acid" in this scene! Before I even got to that line, I was thinking this whole section sounded like an LSD trip! (Not that I’ve ever actually had one, mind you.)


**Everywhere mad continuous change confused her eye and fractured her attention. This was chaos. The host of a chaos demon went mad long before he was consumed.

"You’re boring."

A praying mantis tall as a giraffe struck down at her. The shield she flung up stopped it, barely. She was tired, tired and far from home.

"A toy that’s no fun is thrown away."** Cringe!


**She hung in a chitinous embrace. Fanged palps were closed like pincers on her face. Blood trickled from where their points cut into her skin. Directly in front of her, far too close, a twin’s face leered at her between grinding mouthparts.** Eaurgh!


**"The demon moves between you. Hikaru is the host, and Kaoru is human. You change names whenever it moves."

Arms and mouthparts froze. Haruhi moved her hands from sign to sign.

"You . . . you’re wrong. I’m Kaoru!" the demon said.

"I’m Hikaru!" piped the voice behind her.

"You know that’s not true," she chided, and struck.** Anyone who could write this bit has definitely been watching too much weird Anime!


**She fell hard against a tree. It leaned over and tried to eat her.** Darn triffids …


**"He’s human. You’ll take him back with you, won’t you?"

"I think I would have liked you, when you were human."** Right in the middle of all this surreal horror, this bit is quite touching.


**"I don’t care! I was the one they chose for the demon. Kaoru said he was me, and went in my place."** No greater love – seriously!


**It shouldn’t be true, but it was. They were still sane. Well, sane enough to be human, anyhow. Perhaps it was because the host had his brother to model himself on, a pattern to rebuild himself to whenever the demon changed hosts.** A really interesting idea! Of course this would mean that no matter how much alike in personality the twins might have been at the start, they would have to be carbon copies of each other by now!


**She couldn’t release the demon. She couldn’t bargain with it, the way she had with (Haruhi sighed, just thinking the name) Antoinette.** Hee-hee!


**She wasn’t limited to human strength though. Not now. Haruhi found the yellow cord again.

And then she chose to use it. And tried to ignore the sound of Antoinette laughing.** Nothing more irritating than being laughed at by a collie-demon!

sorry for the strange question: why did tamaki summon a demon hunter in the first place? (to not "use us against each other?" to be put out of his misery? or jsut something I'm completely missing?) are demons and demon hunters common in the AU?

Also, if she's now bound to the demons (and the hosts) does this mean that the Host Club will no longer feed/prey(?) on the customers? instead only on Haruhi?

Just curious.

oh...that was quick!

So there's an afterword/epilogue? nice.

I like how you sorta tied back into canon back to the beginning.

It's not unclear, but I'm wondering about haruhi's homelife or family stuff...(like the mom and dad situation...is she death incarnate or just a compromised demon hunter now? Just curious)

anyway, good job!

the more you write, the more amusing it is...

I like the outfits Haruhi has to wear at the beginning of each chapter...

I'm not a good person to pick on stuff, but I sorta want to mention that Hunni(? or however you want to spell his name) and Mori relationship...they usually refer to each other using Takashi and Mitsukuni instead of Mori and Hunni(?)...unless this was the OOC(?) oh well.

and since you left us at a cliffhanger with the possibly most dangerous demon (the shadow king's no less) I hope this will be updated soon. Keep it up!

** The host took a step toward her and hunched forward, his jaw thrusting out. Haruhi stood quickly. At the next step his fine gold hair spread across his shoulders and chest in a gleaming mane, and his face began to be a beast’s. At the next step long fingered hands clenched into paws and clothes tore from a body greater and stronger than human. The step after that he fell to all fours, and then she had no time to count. ** Yikes! This is a really good description of a scary shape-change. Subtle, yet suspenseful. Authors of werewolf stories should study this and learn!


** Chanting, she drew a sign on the dagger’s blade and gestured. White javelins shot out as the beast lunged again. It eeled between the first dozen, until a paw skidded on a banana peel and it stumbled.** Okay, I must have missed something. Where did the banana peel come from? (Most schools I attended didn’t allow food in the music rooms. Then again, I doubt if this bunch sets much store by the rules… )


** "I am the King of the Host Club. This is entirely unsuitable! Forgive me . . . " He twinkled at her. ". . . for filling your dreams with unattainable perfection." ** In YOUR dreams, buster!


** "How wonderfully utilitarian! Is it one of the commoner products sold on late-night television – it slices, it dices, it cuts, it curses -- since commoners can’t afford more than one knife in a household?"

This would be easy, if he was still in demonic form. ** I should think it would be easy with that smart-** MOUTH of his, no matter what form he was in!


** Contact with her wards should have stripped away illusion, revealing a soul trapped in a demon-animated corpse. Killing a peer and a classmate was harder. Worse, her memory kept trying to superimpose a child the demon had destroyed. ** Eaurgh!


** He reached up, running a hand through the hair across her shoulders. (He had stroked the demon’s mane, just before it struck.) ** I can’t decide whether that makes me want to shiver or sob.

** "You should keep your hair long. You are so beautiful." ** Um… "Plain, poor and badly dressed", wasn’t it?


** "There was blood on the teddy bear, right?"

"What?"

"There’s always blood on a toy or a doll. ** True. I’ve seen that image more than once.


** "Where is the garden of white sand?"

"At Grand-mere’s house. Over the river and through the wood . . . but the wolf was waiting in her bed." ** Did Suoh mean this to sound… the way it sounded? He does seem like the type to use an embarrassing double entendre as a psychological weapon.


** "Poor teddy got red, but the maid washed him and nobody knew. At dawn they spread new sand, all clean, all white." ** Nice metaphor! Those powerful families are good at cover-ups, aren’t they.


** He sounded neither more nor less sane when he added, "I’m the king. I’m responsible. Once you kill me, you should let the others go." ** Honor and loyalty among demons? Or is this a little of the real Tamaki’s personality showing through?


** Haruhi realized he was kneeling in the same pose as the boy in a midnight garden. He curled forward. With a shiver he was the lion-wolf again, no longer a striding monster but dwarfed to little more than knee-height. ** A sheltie? (I peaked at your Author’s Notes in Chapter Five, or I would never have made the connection.)


** She brought the dagger forward. Whimpering, the demon wriggled forward on its belly. She kept her guard up. The demon rolled onto its back, its white paws folded together, and looked up with a familiar coyness. Haruhi sighed. She sheathed the knife.

"This has not been a good day." ** I can’t quite decide what to think about the fact that she was having a really hard time killing a child, but might have managed to force herself, and what really thwarted her was having to kill a puppy. Um… priorities? On the other hand, it does make an interesting quirk to her character.


She sat on a block of stone blasted out of the wall. Her glasses had fallen nearby. She picked them up. This time she could trace out Ootori’s spell on them, like a static charge. He hadn’t had time for anything complex, just truth-telling, with a bitter edge. They would always show an inconvenient truth. ** Some theaters just don’t know when to get in a new feature!


** The demon rolled upright again. It spoke with Suoh’s voice.

"The cub dies. My power can’t save him. Yours can." ** I’m not sure I understand how?


** There were laws, and there were Laws. ** Neatly put!


** Why did tentacle monsters get their power the way they did, and why did fanged monsters need pain and blood? Why were demon hunters usually called in their late teens? (It probably had something to do with the tentacle monsters.) ** Um… again, no comment.


** Kotoko asked those questions, after she was unexpectedly called to hunt. She’d lived two years longer, half the time in the hospital. That was about average for a hunter, and remarkable for one called late and unskilled. Even her death was a private bargain. No demon got that victory.

In her mother’s honor, Haruhi wanted answers. ** Um… okay, so I’m guessing this means that Kotoko – a human woman – was Haruhi’s mother, and she made a pact with Death, somewhat similar to the pact that Tamaki made with the Collie-demon? And that’s why Haruhi’s mother appears to be Death? I did wonder how Death and a Human man had ever gotten together in the first place. This just gets weirder and weirder. (One little nit to pick – shouldn’t it be "Kotoko HAD asked those questions …" rather than simply "Kotoko asked …")


** "What do you care? Dead or alive, you have your anchor on Earth. You don’t have to put up with Suoh being annoying." ** Um… huh? The demon is BOUND to Suoh, isn’t it? I should think it’s the one who would have to put up with him twenty-four/seven! Or am I missing something?


** "They didn’t bind what they don’t value. He’s free."

The woman the glasses showed her could be an outside wife, kept away from the main house. Had no-one given her son the spells of protection and control that kept the children of great families safe? If the demon spoke truth (and that was the most dangerous assumption any demon hunter could make) it was bound only by Suoh’s will for as long as its host remained separate from it. Only when Suoh was entirely absorbed would it fall into the Suoh family’s control. ** Okay, so Tamaki’s paternal family didn’t give him any of the proper protection it would give to legitimate children – this much is clear. But "He’s free."?? Is the demon saying that Tamaki could still get out of this at any time, but only at the price of his mother losing all her medical care, etc.? Or am I missing something again?


** The demon expected power in return for power. Haruhi was too used to bargaining at the vegetable stalls to show ignorance, not when she could get knowledge a different way. ** Somehow I just LOVE the idea of bargaining for vegetables as good training for a demon hunter!


** Floating within its true huge manifestation was a child’s corpse withered to bone and skin, and a living soul bound inside that. She felt a vibration like a guitar string near her heart. A drop of light seeped along the bond, passing through the demon to its anchor. The child became Tamaki. ** Okay now I’m REALLY disturbed!


** A foggy ball split from the demon's form and traveled back along the bond. She could have warded against it. Watching for some attack or subversion, Haruhi let it reach her. She was trapped anyhow. She had time for experiments. ** That’s an interesting way to look at it. Practical.


** It diffused almost tracelessly. Her bruises stopped aching. She felt as strong as if she'd never fought. Demonic power couldn't heal, but it could support the tissues and replace their function until they healed on their own. ** How can I get hold of some of that?! Um… wait… by making a pact with a demon? Never mind…


This story is weird, mysterious, and fascinating!

^_^ You've written a wonderful story! Very original!
Will you be following canon after Haruhi gets out of the music room bonded to all 6 demons? Like Hunter Haruhi & the demonic Host Club version of the anime episodes/manga? That'd be kewl too!! Continue writing! :)

**Still bent by demonic strength, Haruhi waited. She might not understand why, but she knew he’d release her.** Personally, I wouldn’t trust to that!


**"We are all enemies here. At least, we were supposed to be."** Cute take on the old "We’re all friends here" expression.


**If not, they had already begun to feed. The scraps left once they finished would not be whole or sane enough to recognize Death when she came.** Why does this remind me of Neville Longbottom’s family?


**Suoh walked toward her, a white sweater tied about his shoulders, carrying two rackets and tossing a ball. He made a two-fingered wave at his audience. Most of them were female. Several fainted.

"Tennis, anyone?"

"You have got to be kidding."** *Sporfle!* I concur!


**He had the kind of facade she’d always despised, inbred and fragile as a porcelain greyhound.** OMG, it’s Malfoy!


**His gold hair looked like, well, hair, but hair washed in stuff that cost more than New Year’s saki and tended with the care of prize-winning orchids.** Hee-hee! Love that description! Hair that looked like… well, hair.


**A gesture returned her own clothes and banished the other (with no unclothed interlude, unlike some other magic-users).** Ah yes, when a demon is going to devour your soul, it’s nice if they can be considerate of your modesty.


**"Such tresses are the truest ornament of a maiden’s pure form . . .."** Well, you’d know all about "pure forms" wouldn’t you, fellah?


**Glass lenses, first cousin to the soul-reflecting mirror, could be remarkably effective against enchantment. That was the reason Haruhi put her glasses on. The small hope that they’d put Suoh off was irrelevant.** Which is why she felt the need to mention it to herself!


**Her first suspicion, when the image of Suoh began to blur and pulse, was blindness. She should have remembered that Ootori had called the glasses a gift. When a demon offered presents, the wisest course was to run screaming.** Words to live by!


**Nearby a woman sobbed hopelessly, draped across some strange European furnishing. Haruhi felt a moment’s dim astonishment at recognizing a chaise longe.** I know – does anyone actually use those things?


**"Maman, don’t cry any more. You will have doctors now, and get well, and be happy again . . . "

The woman lifted her head. She had pale skin, and golden hair, and blue eyes so perfect crying couldn’t spoil them. She looked familiar. Her dress was gleaming and sleek, and something in the way she lay said a man had bought it for her.** Hey buddy – fewer fancy dresses, and more health benefits would be appreciated!


**". . . and I will make friends and go to school and be happy too, because I know you are happy. You see, we must both promise to be happy. Whenever we think of each other we will be happy, because the other person is truly, truly happy too!"** And the first one to admit s/he’s not happy loses, so grit your teeth and SMILE, dammit!


**She backed deeper into the shadows at the edge of a torch-lit garden. Moonlight and starlight made a stretch of raked white sand gleam like snow. In the center of it a young boy knelt on a scarlet pillow. He wore embroidered silk robes and clutched a gilt fan. If not for his blond hair, and the teddy bear tucked under his elbow, he could have been an elaborate antique doll.** I guess when you’re sacrificing yourself to a demon, it’s important to look your best. (In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if that actually were traditional, in any culture that believes in that sort of thing.)


**"Oh, you’re beautiful! I’m glad. I like beautiful things, and so does Maman. Come here."

She would never understand why she obeyed. He stroked her coarse gold hair.

"It’s so shiny. And your fur is like velvet. You’re wonderful."

Haruhi backed away. The boy looked at her with that brilliant smile.

"Are you going to kill me now?"** Yup, you were right, less gore, but still more disturbing.


**Of course she was. She was a Hunter. He was a demon. Wasn’t he?** Haruhi, I think you’re getting your personas mixed up.


**"Oh, have you been overwhelmed by soul-destroying demonic terror and sent to the gibbering edge of insanity already? Because I haven’t even called the demon yet."** Now that’s just rude!


Okay, putting some things from this chapter together with some things from the next, let’s see if I follow this: Young Suoh Tamaki was the less-regarded, morganatic (or possibly illegitimate) son of a very powerful family. His mother was seriously ill, and the Head(s) of that family offered her big money to sell her son to them so they could give him to a demon they wanted to control. This way, she could afford proper medical treatment, which apparently her husband, or sugar daddy, or whatever wasn’t providing. She made a great show of not wanting anything to do with it, but Tamaki marched out and sacrificed himself for her. So, the demon took the Human form of the Tamaki, so that nobody who hadn’t already been involved ever even knew the kid was missing. Then, as the years went by, he grew, or aged, at a suitable rate, so that he appears to be the age Tamaki would be if he had lived. Right?

The description of the mother hugging her son "the way a weeping child might clutch an oversized toy" and Haruhi thinking "Ugh!" makes me wonder – was the mother sincere in her hysterics about "Not without my darling little boy" or was she manipulating him into doing exactly what he did? (Sheesh, I really am getting paranoid!)

Also, I’m not sure I get how Tamaki (the real one) expected to make friends and go to school when he was about to be killed by a demon? Was he figuring that, since the demon would still have his soul imprisoned, he’d be taking part in whatever the demon did and whatever advantages it got in his name?

BTW, the idea of the Fourth Music Room, with the number four being a pun on the word "Death" is very clever, and just what I would expect from you!

Last, but not least: you’re twisted, you know. I like that in a person.

wow it's better than most of the stories i read recently

continue please!

*WOW* Horror, fantasy, and magic all wrapped up in a lovely Ouran package!! I am loving the descriptions of Haruhi in her magic form. I'm assuming the ghost was her mother? But I like reading the different forms of the Ouran boys, esp Tamaki's who is the opposite of his personality. The question Haruhi asks is valid! Why would he drink if he knew? I really like reading about this alternate world! Hope u update soon!

**“Not dead. Yet,” he reported.** Oh, thank God! Wait... yet??

**A yellow fox crouched where nothing was before. It leaned to drink from Morinozuka’s hands, and then its eyes went wide and it bristled all over and disappeared in a puff of smoke.** "Scully, I told you they were real!" it barked. "See?"

**“Not sweet, not sweet at all,” Haninozuka complained. “Like whiskey or fire, not a bit like cake.”** ... or death?

**“Our toy. Ours!” the twins chortled, and Haninozuka laughed, “So sweet!”

“I THINK NOT!”

The hosts froze. Everything was silent. The petals snapped back to their flower again, and the flower closed into a bud, though six irridescent cords fed into it. Haruhi’s body shifted and slowly rose. The glowing globe hung just by her heart.

A woman with dark hair and a pale face materialized behind the body. Her arms held it in midair. The woman smiled down tenderly, and then a skull’s grin replaced her face. Haruhi opened her eyes and smiled up at it.

“WHAT DID I TELL YOU, DEAR?”

“Not t’come home early. Sorry ‘bout this. Daddy’s going to cry.”** Okay, this is getting weird.

**“Tell him there’s a coupon for dried mackeral at half price!” Haruhi called, but Death was as absent as an incarnation of mortality could be.** BWAHAHAH! I LOVE this little touch of the Mundane!

**Damn you! You scared Hikaru. I’ll take you apart for it!” one of the twins howled.

It wasn’t possible to know which one spoke. ** Coulda' be Fred, coulda' been George.

This is really bizarre but fun! I'm enjoying it- write on!

This is interesting. I'm looking forward to see how you will use this concept. ("haruhi, vampire slayer" just kidding. ^_^) I am curious as to why you used the 4th music room instead of the 3rd music room. I'm also a bit confused...is Haruhi's mother Death incarnate or something? I'm also surprised I'm the first one to review. I hope you will continue.