This is nice and simple, but I have one major problem with it: no one would EVER say "love" aloud, especially in public, unless they were joking.

Hmmm... interesting. I like Fanny's tone of voice here. It's a little trepident and unsure, like she thinks that she's crazy for reading into it.

Watch out for spontaneous capitalization, which occurs from place to place in this story. I would also like to see you add in more detail about what she sees. How is the look he gives Helmholtz different than the one he gives Lenina? Go into more detail about what she sees to solidify the possibility of a relationship. Right now, it feels a little...rumor-ish. Her theory's not based on a lot, so you'll want to back her up, in that regard.

Happy writing! :)

Texty Monster

Critics United

Good story.

awesomeness :) the only kind of sex huxley never mentioned was guy/guy or girl/girl.

id always thought john and bernard should get it together.

and helmotz should get together with lenina coz theyre my 2 favourite characters.

good story xx

Wow. I remember reading this sometime ago and I just re-read it... I like it. Nice portrayal of Bernard and Helmholtz!