what is it?...is it a very short story or a chapter??...english is proper, structure nice, but does my heart go with the characters, hm, still debating that one mate?...but spot on for metrical structure...

dude...this is harsh.
Great job, though. I'd suggest continuing it into a full story. :)

Very touching...

I really well written one shot. I think you really captured Lirael's character, adding depth to her which time has brought. Really moving and emotional.

Well done ; )

linkkinparkk
Kirsty

Hi! Sorry it's taken a very long time, but I'm finally reading the entries for the contest.

Short but nicely written, and conveyed the emotions across - the replaying of events in Lirael's mind, and how Sabriel died. You used the theme well, and while I don't know the fandom at all I think it was a nice flashforward. I was afraid this was too short, but you've just passed the minimum word limit =)

you never said what actually killed sabriel o is there going to be another chapter its just i can't think of anything which would kill her

This is really quite lovely. Your writing style is very nice, I like the description here, and your older!Lirael is a realistic idea of how she might be five years on- a little more confident, enough to sometimes be rebellious, but still awkward at points.

I haven't read whatever this is based off of, although I have read other works by Garth Nix. However, your prose is perfect for the mood of the story-the simple, natural flow makes the piece feel more...sad. I don't know how to express it any better. I also like this excerpt: "And if there hadn't been any glory in the fight on a snowy mill-field that blood had stained brown-red, there had been glory in Sabriel's life, and pride, and dignity, and duty."
Imagery without being flowery or excessive. Well-done.

Poignant. Very poignant. And somehow dignified... Not sure how but it is.

Thanks for putting it out there.

-Josey