*sob sob that was so sad i loved the poem hinata read out and how the fox spirit was all nice and not saying something evil bravo bravo i love this story

luv it, but it's so sad...

i don't think Zabuza and Haku were that evil...

Before you read all of this, please be prepared.

1) 'Zabuza and Haku, both alive.' If you are going to write a fanfiction where some characters are back from the dead, at the start (after the disclaimer) you should write a note saying so. People do not just magically come back to life, then steal a random character by using a technique that would have in reality killed her.

2) “Yes I would. Believe me, I am that evil.” Zabuza threatened. Wow, did Hinata not realise by now that he was the bad guy in this? Also, seperate lines should be used to for speech. If one character says their line, there should not be speech from another character on the same line. It is a basic rule of writing.

3) Where did Itachi and Kisame come from? This I would love to know, seeing as they are in the Akatsuki, and therefore not allowed to kill Naruto until they have extracted the nine tailed fox. I am rather interested in your story behind this.

4) “Guys, I think I found some evidence.” From what I gathered, they were trying to find Hinata. Not investigate her murder. Also, sword tracks and wire shouldn't automatically point to Hinata. Where is the proof that she was there, and not somebody else?

5) 'She waited around for some word from either Zabuza or Haku, but nothing ever happened. She pulled out her ninja profiles. She flipped through them. Kiba, Shino, Ino, Sakura, Choji, Neji, Lee… She finally found Naruto’s. She opened it up and read through it.' Why does Hinata have ninja profiles? Nobody has those in the series. They have black books, and even then Hinata would not have the information you state that she had. Unless Haku or Zabuza directly gave her a black book, which you have not shown, there is no way she could of had these to find out that information.

6) "His only known relatives are Minato Uzamaki, Destiny Uzamaki, and Jiraya.” Let us think about this, first. Destiny is not a Japanese name. Also, if you know his father is Minato, then you must be in the Shippuden series already, and therefore know who the real mother of Naruto is. Also, Jiraya is not his relative. He is one of his teachers, which you should also know if you are up to date with the series like you seem to be.

7) 'While Sakura and Lee battled Haku, Naruto faced his certain death against Zabuza.' Wait, but I thought you said Hinata took him out at the start of this? She defeated him quickly, yet Naruto, one of the strongest ninja in the series, far stronger than Hinata, is struggling against him? Also, not forgetting that the title didn't give the entire storyline away to begin with (The Uzumaki's Death) there is yet another problem after this. Hinata is the one they assigned to kill Naruto, or so you previously said. So why is she fighting against Zabuza and Haku? Sure, she wants to protect him, but by killing him is she not protecting herself instead, and yet at the start she agreed to do it, which is why they released her to the comfortable room.

Sorry for all the negative critisism, but please know that it is only in your best interest, as I think that from this you could be good with plot lines if you put more thought into them. I hope your writing improves greatly, and when it does I will look forward to reading something else from you! :)