I came across this accidentally, but I'm rather glad I did. It's always good to see a Bastila/Revan story, as there are not that many of those, and it's even better to see it in able hands. It *is* a little bit syrupy, but that actually fits very well with the overall tone of this chapter. Your prose is very good, and I get a good sense of the scene you're describing, so bravo!

The dreams helped balance out the romance part of the chapter, and I think that worked. The only things I would critique would be that you sometimes stated exactly what Bastila and Calum were thinking rather than integrating it with the rest of the scene. Now, don't get me wrong, I hate that "show, don't tell" maxim, because I think "telling" is a valuable literary tool. However, striking a balance is the important part.

I think that, overall, the balance is good. But "telling" is also something I struggle with a lot, so I am kinda inclined to seeing it in places (even where it might not be as much of an issue).

Be that as it may, this looks to be a promising story. Time permitting, I will try to read more of it. I like that you are sending Bastila and Revan out to the unknown regions together. That is a bit of a change of pace, as most of the time these stories feature one of them searching for the other. I look forward to seeing what happens. This has all the makings of a very intense, very emotional tale. I'm sure it will be excellent.

I hope you can gleam something helpful from this rambling review, heh. :)

WOW_-your description of SoulReaper and the fight was awesome. I really like this story and was glad to see Bastila accepts him for what and who he is and was. MORE soon??!

Cool name for the mask Soul Reaper-this story is top-notch. Wonder who the female Sith Lord is.. Look out Revan doesn't like to be deterred from his plans, heh. And now Jalek has been demoted to Commander just like that. Surprising to see Master Vrook gte his butt out of the Enclave and save Bastila. Thanks for telling us more about what happened to make him lose his fingers (Allid) and am looking forward to more.

I like how you use songs and the interesting events you have taking place to embroil Revan back into what he was doing before he became Callum. Very good writing. Looking frward to more!

The crystal vein was every bit as breathtakingly beautiful as it had been the last time. The chamber, quite large for the cave system it was a part of, was covered with angular, jagged outcroppings of the glowing crystals. Piercing blue, vibrant green, and vivid gold crystal growths blanketed the floor in a tiny forest of exquisite stone, festooned the walls in great curtains of sparkling light, and hung from the ceiling like a majestic natural chandelier. In a few places, the rare violet and teal crystals were fused in their exotic patterns. In the whole chamber, Calum had only ever found one instance of the prized orange crystal in what was a tiny, impure growth.

The above says it all for me and to me. AWESOME!

Wow-a trap! Didn't expect that. I thot maybe the two Masters kept Bastila against her will like they were going to strip the Exile of the Force in K2-Allid is kinda creepy. It's good to see Revan come out when needed. He always did do what was needed, damn the cost. Very good!

The burnt orange of the sunset had darkened to a deep red, casting its rays on the dead gardens like a wash from the bleeding sky. Calum wandered about the scraggy, leafless trees and withered stalks that had once been painted by magnificent living curtains of color, almost in a trance as he remembered the days of training he'd spent here. It was the one part of rediscovering Revan within him that Calum savored. Both experiences, though from different lives, had blended together in his mind to the point where each was nearly indistinguishable from the other.
And that kind of description plus the relationship btwn Rev & Bas is why I just got hooked. Excellent!

I must say that this story very much intrigues me. Well written. Good job. :)

This story has some potential here. Proceed.