Okay...this has a extremely creepy vibe to it that I'm loving!

I really want to see where this goes.

Seriously, I'm putting this on alerts

Holy crap Mari. Just...holy crap. This was amazing. I read it like 4 times. Oh my God - so...chilling...creepy...awesome.

Loved it!

~Bones

It's certainly unique. Very unique. Not something I'd have thought up. It's also definitely creepy - mostly because of the thought of it happening.

In terms of horror and suspense, though, I think it goes a bit predictable Hollywood from the time Marlene encounters Sephiroth on (i. and on). Before that, there's a real sense of suspense and anxiety as it's still unclear just what exactly it is that Marlene's experiencing. The image of the ceiling is especially nerve-wracking.

That said, though, the description throughout does a lot to carry the story, despite the aforementioned typical Hollywood. Some folks might say that you focus too much on description and that the sentences become too long, but the way you use them make each scene feel a bit more suspenseful and ominous.

Beyond that, it's a sad story, as was already hinted at, but it's a well-written one. Kudos.

:)

Whoa. That was intense, Mari. It gave me the chills.

Mystic

Oh wow... *is absolutely breathless and in awe* This is BRILLIANT! Such cold, sticky atmosphere of sheer terror... I held my breath while reading. Your attention to details in this one, the wonderful flow and the beauty of your language - everything, woven together, creates a magnificent, frightening and absolutely amazing story! I bow before your genius, darling!

Laney...how could you do that to Marlene?! Anyway besides that shock great job with the feeling of horror and you made Sephiroth terrifying, despite his bishiness. Kudos and keep up the great work!