Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

No!

It's Enter Key Man, here to save fanfiction from s.hit fics!

owait.

Looks like he missed you by mistake.

Or maybe he was crushed under the weight of your text blocks?

:O

(I can't believe you killed Enter Key Man, you fiend)

Huge paragraphs of text do nothing but make me want to commit suicide, and that is where the enter key comes into play. Separate you damn paragraphs, you idiot.

Next up on the fail list is grammar. Here are some examples of how much of a fucktard you are:

No! Don’t leave me beby! I need you Tyge! P-please Tygeria, don’t go-o-o-o! Aah!” Shainizhya clutched onto Tyge’s lifeless body and her sobs became more frantic and loud.]

“You call my Tygeria a dog? How dare you?! You know you drunk! And you come and hit my beby! He dead ‘cause of you! You lucky I don’t disembowel you where you stand! You disgustin’ pig..” ]

“Mikali! I need ya ta come home!” Her voice strained and waning.]

“What is wrong Shaiya? Why ya need me to come home?” His voice was sounding more confused than concerned at this moment.]

Direct address, commas, correct punctuation, commas, restraint in punctuation, commas, enter key,and commas are the many things you abuse in this piece of c.rap.

Did I mention commas?

My honest opinion is that you are absolutely r.aping the LoK fandom, and this 'story' of yours is nothing but a f.ucking p.ile of s.hit; an insult to the fandom itself.

George

You know, I like the 'reverberating' leaves in the first sentence; I didn't know they could do that. It's okay to just say, 'the leaves crunched beneath her feet as she walked'. You have a lot of purple prose too (over exaggerated descriptions, google it if you like). 'Treetops whispered in hushed sighs as a faint breeze interrupted the thick silence of night, disturbing the peaceful ambience like a greeting for her ears alone'. That's an example of purple prose, when you could have said was, 'a faint breeze whispered through the treetops.' I admit, I'm a little impatient for Kain and Raziel to make their appearance, but that's good you decided to wait on it while you build your own characters. I like the dialogue in the flashback of the first chapter, but right in the middle of it, you suddenly changed pretenses. Like, for the first half, when they're playing in the snow, you write in past tense and then suddenly switch to present tense when the accident occurs. That confuses the reader. That's all I can say for now because I can't think of anything else to point out. You have good spelling and punctuation; that's always a plus. Oh, and I like the name Professor Wrath; that made me giggle. Oh, and dead bodies don't shiver despite how cold it is. I know you're trying to convey the sense of extreme cold, but reading that part just made me laugh. Sorry if I sound a little mean. Hope I was a help rather than a hinder. Peace.

I aslo enjoyed this part of the story. Kijana's character is becoming better described and her past is very interesting. I also like the character Khalfan. I feel sorry about what happened to his family. Love the story. Please continue!

I like the story so far. It is very creative and well thought out.