Although this fanfiction not finished yet, I would like to say that this is perhaps the most beautiful Neville story ever written. The way you write Neville is amazing. Well, actually, just the way you write is amazing. This is going to sound awfully cheesy, but, honestly, reading this story took me on quite a fantastic journey, full of tears, laughter, and cheering. The whole time, I felt this overwhelming sense of love and sympathy for Neville, more than any other character I have ever known. (erm, read.)
Also, I have a question: would you be alright with me posting a link to this on my tumblr? I would love to spread the "magic" (hohoho no pun intended- Magic HP fanfic) that is this story.
Thank you so very much for writing this, and best wishes for your writing career!
Well, a bit of awkwardness was perfectly in order between Neville and his parents - let's hope he will have time to really get to know them...
But it's good that Francis found a way to show Neville how his body actually looks like... perhaps it helps a little.
And what about Snape? Does he honestly think that trying to crush a child's soul is decent behaviour, or what? (Mind you, Augusta isn't exactly innocent in that, either.)
I could have sworn I reviewed the last chapter, ugh, sorry. I just want to say that even though I showed up very late to this party (didn't find this amazing story until 2 chapters ago and had a lot to catch up on!) I still really find it marvelous and feel as invested in it as if I'd been here from the beginning.
I like how you've handled Neville's interaction with his parents/reaction to their arriving into his life. It really is a miracle but I definitely think it would just make him feel even more out of control because he believed for so long that it was impossible for them to get better and this is a HUGE change...it would rattle anyone but especially for Neville with his eating disorder, he has all these set ideas and regulations for himself that I imagine this would really throw him. I know if my mom suddenly came back to life happiness wouldn't be my first reaction, even if it should be...it would just be too much, too surreal, and my whole life would change all over again. Even if the change is positive, it's such an adjustment. I hope we get to see a little of them growing closer and Neville getting used to their presence.
Speaking of Neville, I know he can't be dead (he better not be!) but I am dying from suspense with the end of this chapter and really hope to read more very soon. You write the battles well, something I've never been able to do. I like how you go for more blanket descriptions than your usual very detailed narration when writing battle scenes because it adds to the chaos; you're skilled in that your writing style matches what's happening in the story.
The one part of the chapter I'm a little disenchanted with is when Francis casts that spell on the mirror and Neville essentially sees reality...I realize this is a world of magic and that poor Neville needed some sort of awakening but it saddens me that in our world it is so, so much more difficult to show someone with body dysmorphia their true reflection. Sometimes it truly seems impossible. But I feel like Neville still has a long way to go (not that I want him to suffer more, but a "miracle cure" like finally being able to really see what he looks like would undermine, for me personally, the amazing story you've created).
Again...thank you for writing and for your sensitivity to these topics.
Not going to lie, I was so afraid you'd die before being able to finish the story. :'D
I'm so happy you updated. You're doing a magnificent job. You made Alice and Frank the exact way I pictured them. & I was shocked Neville had finally seen what had become of him.
Damn cliffhanger. I really hope you'll update soon. I really can't wait!
Im not going to lie, I was actually so afraid of you dying before finishing this fanfic. It's my absolute favourite and it's so amazingly good. I can't believe you haven't been asked to write your own book.
Was all this planned by Dumbledore? I seriously think it was: he wanted to pass the key to the villains, hoping it will destroy them, or they'll turn against each other to get it...
Yay! I loved the update. Brilliant chapter. It makes me sad to see that no one else reviewed the latest chapter, but I know people are reading it. How can someone not resist not reading this fanfic? It's brilliant, and very differant than the other fanfics with Neville/Ginny. I love the pairing, and plot.
I can't believe Alice's and Frank's patronus showed up! Maybe they did snap out of their state of ... Mentalness? I have no idea on how to describe it. Ahh. So happy you updated!
Once again, Brilliant Chapter, and I can't wait till the next update! :)
OH MY GOD. You updated! *does happy dance* I'm sorry, i love this fanfic too much, and I seriously fan girl screamed. I haven't read the latest chapter, just thought you'd like to know I made a complete fool of myself over your fanfic update :)
First of all I'd like to give a big thanks to everyone who has continued to follow my story and leave lovely reviews! Your encouragement and continued interest mean so much to me! I wouldn't have come this far with it without you guys! :)
And to Lousy Poet Automaton, it's a shame you don't allow PM's because I was going to address your review. Thanks for the feedback, I'm not one who is going to cry and whine or contradict when I receive any kind of negative feedback but I do personally think what you wrote was a bit harsh...I'm not trying to be "Stephen King" here. I'm not trying to write a novelty, masterpiece. I'm just writing a story that people can relate to and happen to have built my story around a character who has a lot of internal struggles. I'm not trying to make a "documentary" or portray any sort of perfection through my writing. I love to write- which is why I do it.
I can understand- and even agree to a point, with you saying my pacing is "too slow"...but to be quite frank, I just can't bare to think of this story having to come to an end, although I am afraid it will- and must, very soon.
And as for the other "elements" such as things from the Harry Potter world of magic *quidditch, lessons, the prophecy" yes, I have included those but what you must realize is the story IS basically Neville's eating disorder, that's the whole premise- that's his main struggle and battle moreso than what he must face with Voldemort.
I will kindly agree to disagree with you on "my concern with realism" getting in the way. I am not a perfect writer (as you have so kindly brought to my attention :)) but one thing I pride myself on in regards to this story is how realistic I have kept things...most ED related stories you read on are unrealistic, cliche and the afflicted, tortured
protagonist immediately recovers and all is well. That's NOT real life...and yes, there may be "potions" in the world of Harry potter that can heal broken bones in an instant but Eating disorders are so much harder to recover from than people realize. It's a disease and it completely takes over you. It's all in your head and it stays with you even long after you have "recovered."
I truly appreciate your feedback and to each their own, you have made your opinion very clear but all I must say is this isn't like "a work of art" I am simply partaking in a pasttime that I enjoy and feeding off of the encouragement and passion and experiences of myself and others and implementing them into my favorite Harry Potter character. All I can say, is if my story does not appeal to you then no one is forcing you to read it...although, obviously something drew you to it for you to have taken such an interest to leave such a detailed and constructive review. :)
The concept and your writing is good but your pacing is too slow. I realize you're trying to do a gradual build-up about Neville's problems, but you have to have other things happening in the same chapter that don't feel like filler. Most of the events from chapters 1-9 could have been done in 2/3rds of the wordcount.
Showing too much is as bad as telling too much-sometimes, it actually is good to use summary and direct exposition so that the story has more flow. I've skimmed ahead to chapter 13, and even then, counting everything thus far, nothing sets this fic apart from a teenage drama about relationships and an eating disorder. There's very little about it that has to happen in the Harry Potter world. Yes, you've got a bit of quidditch, yes, they go to the lessons, yes, they talk about the prophecy, etc, but it's all very detached, like they're accessories and not fundamental to your story.
Among other things, your concern with realism is getting in the way. Realism is only good up to a point. After that, it starts to disrupt the story. You're writing a fanfic, not a documentary about a troubled teen. As such, it might be better if you consider ideas of how the magical world might deal with eating disorders. For one thing, given that there's potions that can rebuild the bones for a whole limb or give a person an entirely different shape, there may very well be potions for controlling appetite or reshaping the body, which would more strongly emphasize that Neville's problems are in his head and also reinforce how your story is actually happening in the Harry Potter world.
If you just want to write a story where the focus is purely on Neville having an eating disorder and conquering it, that's just not enough material to make for an absorbing novel-length tale (it could make for a powerful short story in the 30k-40k word range). It's better to have a story and plot in which that plays a part rather than it being the centerpiece for how Neville deals with the events around him.
Rather than your story being about how Neville's problems affect his growth as a person and the way he deals with the dangers of a wizarding world about to go to war, his eating disorder *is* the story, and that's just not enough to carry a work of this length.
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