This is brutal. Please take it down.

OK, just stop and think for a second. Do you think this piece of CRAP deserves to be on fanfiction? All i have to say is that you need to stop writing.

Horribly written stories like this are used to punish people in hell.

Oh. My. God. I have no... nothing to say. Nothing good anyway.

I write when I vent, and my stories are actually worth a crap to people. I don't care how old you are, where you are from... Just, stop writing. Please. Please. Stop writing. And no, I am not one of those flamers who can't write for crap. I can write very well, actually. My stories are on ParamoreXD.

Please do not expand on this peice of ** you call a story.

Bye bye!

Nick

Um. I'm confused. ALL the characters were OOC, not just Bella, and it was completely pointless.

If you want to make this an actual FanFiction, I suggest writing what happened, like a normal story, rather than just in note form. And please try and make at least the other characters a little less OOC.

Someone commented on your lack of full stops/periods, so I'll say you need commas. Lots of your sentences needed commas, and there weren't any, which was annoying.

And is 'scense' actually correct? It might be where you're from, and if it is, sorry, but it just looks weird to me.

This has no plot and isn't funny. You would be better off deleting this because random stupidity isn't funny, especially when it is poorly written.

um...no comment...well okay maybe a small comment. Um...yes. You will be better off to never write another "notes" fanfic. They are all poorly written and a waste of your talents. Put your skills towards an actual story. Develop it, have an actual plot to it, and if you want to put a "notes" scene inside it...go for it...but one on its own. Is ridiculous. I'm sure you can do better.

This is well...well I'm sorry but this story is really bad. I know you said that Bella is out of character, however, that doesn't make it okay. I know when you write fanfiction some authors write CC's OOC to make it funny however, this was not funny...if anything it was disturbing.

You have no complete sentences, just words, where the reader can't tell whose talking. Also no "" marks that are suppsed to go around dialougue-I'm sorry if I spelled that wrong- Were you color-coding it, with Edward in bold and Bella in regular? That's really not how your supposed to write.

If you do your really just begging to be flamed by the people on this sight with no lives, and nothing better to do than go around telling other people their stories stink, even though they can't write worth crap. Well that's the majority of flamers.

I don't care if you don't listen to me but this is not a flame. This is harsh concrit. I don't know what you were trying to do here but...from what I can see it didn't work. Still I'd be interested to know what you were trying to do.

I'm sory if i'm too mean in this. I try to avoid being mean,but sometimes,yea.

The story is funny,but it's just not written in the right way. The real way to write is to use quotation marks,these:"" and yea. So I think you should delete this before anybody gets too mean. Just for advice.


Well,that wasn't to mean,was it? I hope not.

First off, there's this nifty little thing that goes at the end of most sentences. It's called a period.

And I highly doubt Bella needs a 'psyche.' One's pysche is basically spirit, or the animating force of life. I think you meant psychologist.

Or she could use a psychiatrist, who could prescribe her some tranquilizers. Heaven knows I need them after reading this story.

LOL. This is pure gold. I literally LOL'd at this whole thing.

Although I have to say I feel very sorry for you. Anyone who would write something like this and thinks it's good needs their head check. This isn't fanfiction at all. There is absolutely no plot, and nothing makes sense. I'm not sure why you made Bella so stupid, and Edward is just not Edward. This has nothing to do with Twilight, all you did was stick the characters names to this horrific piece of work.
I think you need to pick up some books on what writing really is. You posting this is only going to cause people to laugh at you.

I don't know how old you are, but this whole thing looks like a three-year-old wrote it.

Fail...
Not even a fanfic...
You should delete this.
Seriously.

What?
This isn't even fanfiction.
Seriously. Everybody is OOC. It's not even... well... It doesn't make sense. There's no plot. Yuck.

...I don't think I even give you a review. I'll simple say that what the people below have written, most of it anyway, is quite true.

I do hope you attempt to improve you're writing and do continue to write. If you try I bet you could write a decent fanfiction.

- Lullaby :)

I won't bother...