wah sorry I read it this late...

I was uh a bit busy with school

hm really intriguing ei? I'm not that fond with drama but I think the story is on the mystery genre as well...

I'm looking forward to your the explanations in this story..

but it's a bit creepy.. ehehhe with the capsules and babies inside... hehheh

UPDATE SOON!

Ohh. So there, I witnessed the intriguing fic of yours. Wow. Utterly...long. :P But, true to be told, I was a bit...disappointed. BIT, just a bit, don't worry. (Hey, what's the point of pleasing me, a'ryt?)

But please, before I begin, do have an open mind. I don't intend to hurt you whatsoever. I'm just trying to...criticize the story, that all. Walang personalan.

First, well, though it's long, I seem to spot some...unnecessary or...incorrect word/s that you insisted to put. It's like...there came a long paragraph and in the end, it conveyed...nothing. I'm not saying it's non-sense all throughout, but THERE WERE paragraphs.

Second, use adjectives sparingly. Not to "show off" with some...lengthy descriptions. Quality over quantity, dear. Please do bear that in mind.

Third, some words seemed...redundant I should say. I do recommend you to have a thesaurus with you whenever you're writing. It would help you a lot. Trust me. Although, make sure the alternative word that you would use would be appropriate for the sentence you would be making.

And lastly, your plot's kinda...blurry. I mean...what were you trying to point out? It didn't look very much like you've given the readers hint at all. And I think what confused me the most was with Tezuka being...a boy. We're in a free country after all, so I do not intend to argue with you plot-wise. Just promise me to give out an explanation (direct or not) within your succeeding chapters.

WOAH. I do look like a monster up there. O_O

Look, I'm trying my best not to sound or look evil in your eyes. But my point is, you'll not get anything from me giving you sugar-coated reviews. And I think, this would be the best way. It's not (really NOT) to discourage you from writing. It's to...give you suggestions/comments for you to grow as a writer. EVERY writer needs these, and you can't just please everyone(I think I heard those from you). Hope you're not...er, mad, at all with what I wrote (Avoiding me won't work. I knew exactly what that means).

So, I think this would end here. Sorry if my comments were harsh. But, like I said, having an open mind would help you. A LOT.

UPDATE SOON. ] You're sure to hear me the moment you updated.

. -chan.o.

Wow. This is dedicated for me? Really? Cool. It's...good. The descriptions are kind of...er, classical. For me, at least. Avoid using too much adjectives. You tend to mishandle them. Like...wrong usage. The plot's a bit confusing too. But I appreciate it though. _

Good luck!

Aena

this is kind of weird syuusuke is ryoma's father!