40 pages? Wow, that re-read/edit process must mave been tiring :)

As for the chapter itself, I congratulate you on keeping the interest consistent throughout, especially since all the scenes occurred in one place: the ship. The exchanges between each individual character is well crafted and thus believable - I especially enjoy the Vince v Tejed sections, even though I'm willing Tejed to rip off his head as he annoys me too :D

You've once again explored Tejed's emotional side to great length and given the reader a wealth of insight. Her spar with Gin was interesting, given her tendencies to go off-the-rails...often. I was wondering if you were going to have her gravely injure him, which would in turn spark new questions and doubts and feelings, but it was rather more interesting for him to 'defeat' her, as it compounds upon that sense of authority over her that Gin has been displaying as of late.

You had me thoroughly engaged in the scene where Tejed begins by tricking the Voice, only to succumb to the product of her own trickery. Though it is revealed to be a wholly realistic solution, beforehand, it does well to highlight the effects of insanity. At one point, I thought it was the Voice actually tricking Tejed.

Oh, there's so much more I could comment on...but my fingers are cold XD. Keep up the good work!

BRILLIANT one or two mistakes, but woah 40 pages -faints-

Damn good. That sums this up, your work is similar to a project I started a couple of days ago but lightyears ahead. I love it, cant wait for the next chapter.

Your portrayal of Tejed's insanity is approaching epic on the awesomeness meter, seriously, this chapter really sold it for me on that front - I think the reader was treated to a very different type of voice within Tejed's head, a voice whose hooks are digging ever deeper into her mind, and this was displayed perfectly through the scene where she attacks her sister.

Though the chapter focus on Tejed primarily as per usual, this was unique in the fact that it was not her penchant for violence that was in the spotlight. In a single chapter, you have thoroughly addressed the emotional aspects of Tejed that have been buried underneath the persona of bloodlust for the majority of the story.

This chapter is masterful and inspirational. I thoroughly enjoyed the depiction of Tejed's Hypermode, it was so much more than the usual descriptions of Hypermode scenarios and you tied it in nicely with Tejed's state of mind. I liked the fact that Tejed finally stepped over her self-imposed boundary and the lives of Samus/Gin were literally at her mercy - I was actually thinking that you were going to kill off one of them. All in all, an intriguing read.

A couple of typos in this one -- Tejed refers to Gin as a "damned brother", I think she meant "bother", and while Gin may have been relieved to see Ridley bleed, I'm not sure that "assuaged" is the right word to describe what Ridley's blood did to him.

Besides that, this one's well written, especially the excellent-as-always villain at the end, but the dialogue's also better this time than in previous chapters; you've captured the romantic awkwardness that everyone must be feeling right now.

I like what I've been reading thus far: I think you've done well in capturing the fragmentation of Tejed's state of mind and especially like the apparition scenes. Gin and Hackbot (more so Hackbot) provide comic relief and help to lighten the story somewhat following the intense, dark mood of Tejed's scenes.

I see a theme of insanity running through the story - obviously with Tejed, and I think has been hinted at with Gin. Ridley's portrayal was unique because you have placed him under another's authority and (quite literally in a particlar scene) mercy.

I'm unsure of Samus' character at the moment: in one chapter she is described as cold and merciless, yet how she interacts with the other characters shows nothing of this - in fact she seems to be quite amiable and in nursing Gin, caring (unless I'm looking at this in the wrong context).

Also, the opening scene of CH8 is questionable. Would anyone really address a person who's steadily losing thier sanity like that? Samus seems well out of character here and makes insensible accusations whilst demanding Tejed keeps hold of her sanity; this scene comes across as comical rather than a serious portion of the story.

That's all I got so far, I definitely be reading on though, my apologies if I seem overly harsh :)

Nice...sorry I can't say more. I'm tired.

Tejed in hyper mode? wow! Your story gets more amazing by the chapter! Keep it up!

As always, the commander provides some excellent villainy.

And it looks like your space bar is on the blink -- several times, you've got two words stuck together. Be careful with that in the future.

On the plus side, the dialogue is better this time around.

Here are my reviews for Chapter 11 and 12 since I was an idiot and dupilcated my Chapter 10 review in Chapter 11:

Chapter 11: Yay for family reunions...well, sort of. Most suck. This one didn't!

Chapter 12: An enemy that can't be killed...freaking lovely.

Sorry for something not as extensive, but I'm having review block today. Both were good. Keep it up!

I'll be glad to see more cyberpunk and MAD SCIENCE! over on FPN.

One possibly negative trait of your writing that I've noticed is that the interpersonal relationships between the characters and especially the dialogue concerning itself therewith is a bit awkward -- there's good reason for it, what with half the characters being messed-up hybrids and experiments of one kind or another, but you write action better than conversation.

Hackbot doubles as a gatling gun. I think you just won. I don't know what you won, or what you won *at* for that matter, but damnit you won *something*. The big red button made it all that much better.

All in all, nothing I can nitpick this time around. I'd go so far as to say it's your best chapter yet, even when excluding my fascination with Hackbot being a gatling gun. There were a couple places where it looked like you intended to have a chapter break. Was it supposed to be more than one? Either way, it works great as just one big lump.

Maybe it's just me, but since alcohol seems to help keep Tejed's voice quiet, I can see her going on huge drinking binges in later chapters.

The pirate scientist having remorse for what he did was interesting - It's not often I see pirates written as anything beyond one-dimensional killing machines. I like it. And the bit where Gin blew up on Tejed and gave her the letter. And the reunion between the Gin and Tejed and their respective siblings.

One last thing. Tejed. Dejet. You see where I'm going with this I'm sure. What were their parents thinking, giving them the same name spelled in reverse? XD

-FrostedDonut

PS: Good luck with Mechanical Resonance. Good to hear it's back from the dead :D

Since my review was erased for some reason, here it is again. Sorry if it isn't exactly what I said before.

Poor Tejed. :( Wouldn't have wanted to been in Samus's shoes in that situation. LOL at Hackbot. Never let a robot get your credit card! And as for the end...this should be interesting. Keep it up!

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YEAH!! CHAPTER 10 IS UP! ^^

Man, this is getting good, can't wait to help ya with chapter 11 and, well, everything lol.

Seriously, this is a milestone chapter for us I think, considering it IS chapter 10 after all.

I noticed a few spelling errors, but their not really noticeable, unless your TRYING to pick out errors and the sort, lol...

Still, I do love your descriptive writing. I may not be able to do the same with my Hellsing fic, but I can use your style of writing as Guidelines for my writing ^^;

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Yes, the truth has come out, I use your writing as Guidelines... *GASP!*

Keep up the awesome work! ^^

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