i love this story i cant wait for an update

Poor, poor Yami...Opal's laughing her butt off at his expense...

Well... I like it muchly. Yuugi's quite a pushy brat, isn't he? (In the nicest sense of the word possible, of course.) I never really thought of Mokuba as having behavioral problems, but then again, once the kids teen-up, all sorts of things that are wonky happen in their heads. And if it gets Seto and Yami together, well... Who's gonna argue, amiright? ;)

Okay, now in your author's note, you asked for grammar help/suggestions. *rolls up sleeves* There aren't too many that I found, but here goes:

-"It was a widely known fact that Seto Kaiba is a reasonable man."

-'was' is past tense, 'is' is present. And since the majority of your story is IN past, 'is' should be 'was'.

-"...expected that his actions as well as his words would be reasonable."

-commas after 'actions' and 'words' because this part is a slight aside

-"...despite all existing logic that were currently..."

-'logic' is singular, 'were' is plural, so 'were' should be 'was'

-"...leaping from neurons to neurons in his brain..."

-I think that 'neurons' should be the singular 'neuron' in both cases because stylistically, it sounds...odd to say 'neurons to neurons'

-"renew the brotherly bond that might have faded by your intense devotion to your company"

-'by' isn't the right word here; 'due to' or 'because of' works better

-"And in honor of the oh-so-wonderful imminent glass of water to the tedious school year..."

-Not quite sure what you mean here. I *think* that 'glass of water' should be hyphenated the way you did with 'oh-so-wonderful' and that commas should be around 'imminent,' but...the sentence is just a little awkward.

-"... the same does not goes for his brain."

-'goes' should be 'go'

-"...Mr. McCann sat, with the Kaiba brothers, sitting in an..."

-you can take out 'sitting' and the sentence still works, and that will also keep you from repeating a word in such close proximity

-"...air conditioning system was broken by a semi experienced mechanic."

-past tense versus past perfect: 'was' should be 'had been.' Also, 'semi experienced' should be hyphenated, I believe.

-"The fact that he is wearing..."

-Another tense flip-flop. 'is' should be 'was'

-"...reliable and supported big brother?"

-Wrong word. 'supported' should be 'supportive' (unless of course you are implying that Mokuba supports Seto, not the other way around.)

-"...or a flawed overall personality."

-switch 'overall' with 'flawed' and chance 'a' to 'an' (Or you can just take out 'overall')

-"...about Mokuba were hidden?"

-Stylistic: I don't care for passive voice, so 'were hidden' bugs me, however, there are plenty of authors who do use passive voice (and sometimes it's hard to avoid). Personally, I'd change the whole sentence to 'What else was Mokuba hiding?'

-"Did he have a girlfriend already? Tried drugs?"

-The fragmented 'Tried drugs?' implies a carry-over from the previous sentence; make it 'Had he tried drugs?' and then the next two fragmented questions follow neatly.

-"...random quotes from complete stranger..."

-Either 'random quotes from a complete stranger' or 'random quotes from complete strangers'

-"But is the summer camp really necessary?"

-If these are thoughts, italicize and leave as is. If not, 'is' becomes 'was'

-"...such a thing as camping..."

-Stylistic; I suggest taking out 'such a thing as' and replacing with 'something like' (or leaving it out entirely)

-"Also reasonably, maintaining..."

-comma after 'also'

-"Mokuba gulped at hearing this."

-Just awkward. Leave out 'at hearing this,' because it *is* implied that he's heard it, and that the gulp is in reaction to what he heard.

-"...recommend you and your brother to enroll..."

-Infinitive 'to enroll' isn't necessary; remove 'to'

-"...this is your best solution” "

-Missing period

-"...referring to as my ‘personal attribute’? "

-In the sentence prior, you said 'personal attributes;' just checking to make sure 'attribute' was supposed to be singular here

-"...resettled itself to the current matter at hand..."

-Mixed construction; 'resettled itself' should be changed to 'turned' or put a comma after 'itself' and add in 'he turned' after

-"One of Kaiba Corp’s lawyer had"

-'one of' is plural, 'lawyer' is single; either pluralize 'lawyer' or take out 'one of'

-"The last thing that was said was when Seto told Mokuba that he would drop him off at home before he left for Kaiba Corp."

-passive voice; optional rewrite

-"...not the first time Mokuba’s behavioral problems came up."

-past versus past perfect; 'had come up'

-"...so guilty for being..."

-wrong word; replace 'for' with 'about'

-"...he could not bring himself...he could not bring himself..."

-Two sentences with the exact same phrasing at approximately the same place, back to back. Keep one, alter the other.

-"...hand slowly trailed the contour..."

-Missing word; 'trailed along'

-" “Hey” "

-Missing punctuation

-" “ARG,” Yugi screamed..."

-Considering he's screaming, perhaps an exclamation point at the end of the dialogue?

-"He turned around. And sure enough, Yami was standing there, his left hand clutching his stomach and his right gripping on the couch, trying not to collapse from laughter."

-You can combine these sentences, or you can take out 'And.'

-" “It is aibou,” Yami took out a bowl and a box of cereal from the kitchen cabinet, “when I ..."

-You can either end the dialogue or put in 'Yami said as he'

-"Besides, serve you right..."

-'serve' to 'serves'

-"Yugi defended, “Other wise, how..."

-Two things: first, period, not comma after 'defended.' Second, 'Other wise' should be one word.

-"...I got the name right.” Yugi mumbled."

-Comma, not period at dialogue end.

-"...his brother’s arm, “Besides, what..."

-Period, not comma, after 'arm.'

-"...hot to sleep.” Yami said..."

-Comma, not period, at dialogue end.

-"...sticky with sweat, “And we don’t..."

-Period, not comma, after 'sweat.'

-"...handed to Yami, “some kind of..."

-Three things: 'handed' needs a subject, so put 'it' in; Period, not comma, after 'Yami.' Capitalize 'some.'

-"...the envelope, “I applied..."

-Period, not comma, after 'envelope.'

-"...one of the coordinator."

-'one of' is plural, 'coordinator' is singular. Change to 'a coordinator' or 'one of the coordinators'

-"...Besides, this,” Yami hold up the letter, “will probably..."

-'hold' should be 'held'

-"How could Yami thought of such a thing?"

-past vs past perfect: 'thought' to 'have thought'

-"...darkness to his light—Yugi frowned at his last thought—ok now that was corny."

-Start a new paragraph with 'Yugi,' replace the second dash with a period, make 'ok' into 'okay' and make 'okay now that was corny' into its own sentence.

-"...heel,” Yami said, “Also, ..."

-Period, not comma, after 'said.'

-"...SO not!” Yugi defended, “It’s..."

-Period, not comma, after 'defended.'

-"...you haven’t even use your baseball ..."

-'use' should be 'used'

-"...perfectly fine.” Yami retorted,..."

-Comma, not period, after 'fine'

-"...professional tone, “Satisfaction..."

-Period, not comma, after 'tone.'

Mokuba? Gay? Wow... It never crossed my mind that that was even possible!

Ok, let's put that aside. This fic is quite interesting. Random sex reference here and there to lighten the mood. The ending of chapter 2 is good too. (Gum on your ass.. *laughs*) And thank goodness someone actually pointed out that Seto has a horrible, HORRIBLE parenting skills!

Please update soon!

lol, this was awesome. I reacon you caught each character's personalities really well :), especially seto kaiba's.

Refused to go to work until I had atleast read chapter 1, and chapter 2 is the first priority when I get home.

looking foward to it -

Oops ... the happy face should be like this (: ... sorry, but you should know That I'm too into this story

Cw

Lovly...

I like it, but poor Mokuba, I can feel the tension between the brothers in front of Yami, I really like it please update soon I want to see SetoYami soon ):

Everything is very entertaining so far, so I'm looking forward to the next update.

One thing I must point out, though, is that you keep using incorrect verb tenses. For example, when Mokuba says, "Yugi had gotten a girlfriend?", it sounds as if Yugi is dead and they're recalling his life.

There are a lot of little mistakes like that all over and they detract from your work a little. I think you should fix things up and keep going. I hope the next update is soon, because I'm very excited to see where you take things

Tada! It's me! Happy? I certainly am. :) Why haven't I favorited this before? Another great chapter.

Though I feel sorry for Mokuba *hugs him* I kinda feel sorry for Seto too, but I don't dare to hug him.

And answer for Yami's question: Could a starfish grow hair this awesome?(Do starfishes have hair anyway?)- No, they couldn't. (Yami's got a freaky hair, but I like it)

What happened to the pig Jounouchi got for Yami and Yugi? Did they eat it?

Will there be other Yu-Gi-Oh -characters in America, like Bakura? (I like Bakura

O.O

Yami! How could you ever forget the tube of lube? Oh my God...::shakes head and locks Yami on the crossbar for three day and unleashes Seto on him...::

Okay, not such a bad punishment...but ::shrugs::

I swear the fucking tabloids are so stupid. ::is enraged:: and Seto...what? Why did he just go all..."did you think I won't find out?" and shit like that? WTH!

I swear, Zinki (I'll call you that if it's okay?), the enjoyment factor in this fic of yours is extremely high and...well, enjoyable ::nods enthusiastically::

And...::giggles:: Yami has gum stuck in his huh? That will be interesting to see his reaction for, lolz. I hope Seto and Mokie start talking...and I hope someone takes that stick out of Seto's ass because..really...wtf!

Please make sure you study for your finals before attempting to write the next chapter...? Okay? Study hard and well...::sounds like mom, but whatever::

Good job,

Hathor...

*laughs so hard*..I really liked your yugi XD god he is so funny! *sighs in relief* I was afraid you wouldnt update but you sent an amazing chap and I really really hope you will finish this story.

I really loved that chap.Thank you so much for updating and well do your best with your finals )

Don't think the middle was vague at all. If anything it added more of an eye opener as it was established that Kaiba was work centered and that the home problems were being pushed to the side.

The fact that Mokuba was 'caught' and that Kaiba didn't know how to take the situation was interesting in itself. Because you left it open at this stage we can only guess if Kaiba is 'gay', or doesn't realize he is 'gay'. And certainly hasn't told Mokuba one way or the other.

It appeared that he wasn't so much upset that Mokuba was gay, as he was caught and that the two brothers have lost the ability of communicating with each other.

I hope even thought this is a Yami/Seto story that this part of the plot doesn't get lost in future chapters, as I feel that this is something not often covered in these stories and you have the chance to really do something with it.

Looking forward to the next update.

Please continue this asap.

Your dialogue between Yami & Yugi is quick, snappy and clever and the tension between the Kaiba brothers plus Kaiba's reaction to the school advisor was spot on. I could see the steam coming out of his ears. . .

With a big gin on my face, I look forward to the next chapter. .

Go flying chickens with five pink wings!

XD I love this. It made me laugh, hard.

I think, you kept Seto really well in character, good job!

Love it you know I just do! by the way it's me, yes ME, UB me DL

Keep writing please let teh bunny come back