hi i loved this story

Just a couple of things:
-Why is this all in bold text? Before you post the story, make sure to check it in the document uploading area of the site. You can make changes to the story, add bold and italics, etc. It's okay to italicise a word here or there, but putting everything in bold hurts our eyes!

-It's standard in a story to start a new paragraph each time someone speaks, like this:
"Lovely night, innit?" Gemma said.
Her friend Nerys nodded. "Going somewhere?" she asked.
"To Michael's," Gemma replied, smiling. "He likes me."

...You get the picture! It's a lot easier to read that way.

-Punctuate! Your story is pretty much one huge run-on sentence. Sentences should be separated by commas, and if you don't know where to end a sentence, well, they're usually in groups of related ideas. Like, "I want to go to the park; it's a nice day for a walk" is a good sentence, but "I want to go to the park my mum has cancer and an elephant stepped on my crisps" makes no sense. Decide where to end your sentences. And do end them.

For instance, this sentence-
"then charlotte herd a noise and the noise was coming from the door and me and charlotte went to see what the noise was" - could easily be shortened and strengthened with some punctuation, perhaps as follows:
"Charlotte heart a noise coming from the door; we went to investigate."

In that one rushed sentence you used the word "noise" three times, and that gets a little repetitive. Make sure you look your work over before posting to prevent excessive repetition, misspellings, poor grammar, and the like.

Here's a good guide on capitalisation that might benefit you (remove spaces):
grammarbook. com / punctuation / capital .asp

If you ever need help with anything concerning writing, feel free to send me a private message via this site, or else by email christieisnotfrench [at] yahoo [dot] co [dot] uk. Happy writing! :)

-Christie Viola

Great story so far can't wait to find out wat happens

k3wll 2nd chapter

k3wll 1st chapter