I really enjoyed this. I know you are busy but hopefully you can post more soon.

It seems like you have a good friend and beta in truegold, and hopefully the story will develop strongly.

Watch your spelling; you have two mistakes right up the start; 'enterence' is just 'entrance' and 'fourty' for 'forty'.

Heh heh. I feel like you gave me a licence to pick as many nits as I like and I don't have to feel bad or overly negative... Mwa ha ha ha! MWA HA... *cough*. OK. Over ruling megalomaniac tendencies here... seriously, you don't have to put my suggestion in the story, that's why it's your story not mine.

I love the little detail about J'tran not being well. That's a good way of doing it; it's much more interesting and unique than the examples I gave.

See you around!
t-d

Excellent start. It looks like it could be a very good story. I'm looking forward to more.

I feel that you could work on the length and description of the final scene between the dragonrider, Jaral and Jaral's father a bit more, but that just might be me.
Other than that, it has the base of a good storyline and I can't wait to read more!

tt