i liked the whole story. by the way, the reason Rhindon is clean is because Narnia is a family movie, they don't want to creep little kids out with blood on the swords. if you notice, even in the battles, there's no blood on their swords when there should be tons. have a good day and keep writing. :)

Narniachick

Wow. This is amazing. I have always wondered how to work these verses into a story, but I never had the heart to make Peter deny Aslan (I could not figure out why he would do it at all, since he was more feared by others than fearful of them). You have an excellent job - I never realized the significance of that quote, but now I do. Thanks!

That was FANTASTIC - you managed to put so much depth into a single phrase spoken by Aslan, using both movie and bookverse to great effect, and you showed such a vulnerable side to Peter that it quite moved me. It was original and wonderful, really, and I applaud you.

I also like that it was Edmund's voice, and not Lucy's that he heard saying, She was Aslan's enemy, Pete! It gives it a different angle, somehow, and emphasizes a fact that was simply passed over in the movie - Edmund DID believe in Aslan and Lucy.

(Oh, I hope you don't mind that I put The Most Noble Contradiction on my favorites seemingly without reviewing - I did under another penname, Violin Ghost.)

Thanks for a magnificent piece!

Wow. This was a brilliant piece conveying the hope of the Peters, of all we Christians have in the Jesus and Cross. You have been blessed with a gift of writing.

Thank you JealousOfTheMoon.

Wow. What terrible consequences there would have been... Forgetting a seemingly simple command and almost failing instead of succeeding...

He’d been too harsh to Caspian after the failed attack on the castle. He’d pushed the boy too far. 'Boy' was all Caspian was—a boy, trying to measure up and walk alongside legends, facing the fearsome fact that he himself might become a legend, fearing he was too small for legendhood—and Peter had just been rubbing salt in the wound of self-doubt and insecurity.

She’s also right in front of me, he returned savagely to himself. She’s right in front of me. If Aslan cared, He’d be in front of me, not Her. She said she missed me. She called me dear. If I could see Aslan’s face or hear his voice, maybe, but he’s gone—goodness knows where—goodness knows if he even has power anymore—he’s gone—

“I forgot. Aslan help me, I forgot!”

Powerful and moving.

Could clearly picture Edmund, pale, wild-eyed, roaring with a mixture of fury and relief. Sigh.

Interesting. He forgot to properly wipe his sword...

I love this approach!

The parallels between the two Peters are brilliantly drawn by this work. At first I couldn't quite see where you were going, but with the third chapter it all became very clear and I truly admire you for producing such a lovely, illuminating text. Even without your explanation at the end I didn't find it to be a hopeless ending, since I know how the Bible's Peter's story goes on - and Peter Pevensie's as well. :-)

I think you combined the 3 source texts extremely well (LWW, Bible, movie), it felt smooth and rhythmical, no disturbing breaks or jumps. Well done!

Thank you so much for writing this after all in spite of your doubts. :-) It's well written, a joy to read, and gives much room for deep thoughts...

Abundant blessings,
Eloin

Very interesting. I find it brilliant how you managed to tie in the story with the words from the Bible, and how that seemingly trivial advice from Aslan might mean so much more than how it sounded like. I especially like how that contributed to the ending, when Peter forgets to wipe his sword and could have freed the Witch. Seriously brilliant stuff.

:D

Very impressive I must say. The parallels you draw are very fitting. I did very much enjoy this story. And naming Rhindon there at the end was very well placed. It was very much more appropriate that "his sword" or something like that. Bravo Zulu!

This was an amazing story, with a beautifully transparent ending. I, too, have tried not to take the parallels between Narnia and Christianity too far, since the Bible is inspired while The Chronicles of Narnia are not. However, I think it's all right to see the parallels because ultimately, they point to the real Story - the Bible. Wonderful story, and I hope that God uses it in ways that you can't even imagine. You'd be surprised at what He can do! 2 Cor. 12:9-10.

Wow...not sure a review will suffice to explain how profound and thought-provoking I found this chapter. Maybe it's because it deals with something so deep and serious as losing one's soul. It takes a skilled author to pull off writing about something so profound and leave the reader in a sense of dizzy-headed awe.

"He tried to hate the words he was thinking, but to his surprise he found he’d been thinking them for so long that they were hardly shocking." *shakes head* Just magnificent. No pun intended.

"‘That’s going to leave a mess when it melts.' This time the voice sounded like Susan’s..." I love the bit of APPROPRIATE brief levity (unlike the movie, which used sarcasm to the point of overkill).

"He was like one who, finding himself on the brink of something terrible, only then realizes he plunged into the depths long ago." Oh, my goodness. I have no words.

I didn't realize until Peter was talking (babbling, rather) to Caspian after the whole deal that if he had tried to run Jadis through with the sword - stained in Telmarine blood - he would have freed her. That was really, really good and not something I ever thought of. How do you think up such profound things from these books/movies? I suppose I was too busy giggling and whispering "I am Pwince Cathpian" to my sister the last time I watched PC...

I remember seeing this when you first posted the first chapter, and being very intrigued. Having read the rest, I was not disappointed in the least. The third chapter blew me away, no exaggeration - in fact, it almost reminds me of 'Perelandra,' in a way, where true obedience is seen in the small, seemingly unimportant commands, which can lead to consequences much greater than imagined that we are painfully oblivious to until it's (almost) too late. He certainly knows what He's doing when He gives us something to do, doesn't He?

In addition, I have to comment on the last bit here. You credit me with sparking the comparison between the two Peters - in truth, I'd seen the comparison myself before and merely put my own thoughts into it for my article. But if I write for no other reason, I write to get people to think. Sometimes I do it blatantly, sometimes in a more subtle manner, but I always write with the hope that somebody, somewhere, will take what I've written, let it spark a few thoughts, and learn from them.

You, my friend, have just shown the beauty of a writing community.

You've taken what thoughts my article first sparked, along with several other things, wrestled with the questions they brought up, and spun it into a piece of your own that has, in turn, made ME think in a way I hadn't before. And really, isn't that what a true author should do? To pour out the lessons they have learned, and to absorb the lessons of others, through the use of words, all for the glory of the Great Author Himself? We write, we ponder and struggle and contemplate what we read, and use that to better our own writing, which in turn gives those we read from more to think about. And by mutually refining our abilities and learning truths we had yet to discover, we can all better point to the Master Author.

Wow, that was a bigger dissertation than I might have intended. In any case, this was utterly fantastic, and I'm sure it'll be bouncing through my mind for quite a while as I wrestle every ounce of meaning that I can from it. And in the meantime, I'm honored to have sparked a part of it, in some small way. Awesome, awesome job.

This is a brilliant story, JotM. Superbly concieved, carefully plotted and very well-written, and that's usually all I ask of a story. But this one also touched my heart-beyond-my-brain -- and left me convicted as well.

The flow of your narrative from one incident to the next, the tension getting tighter, the build-up of drama -- it's perfect. (Normally, I really dislike the movieverse Peter, especially from PC, but here, you've really made it work.) And of course, the link to Simon Peter really does work. And you are so right, disobedience IS denial. (Which is where the personal conviction comes in.)

And again, you are so right, the hope IS also there, mostly because we know the tears are not mere bitter, useless regret, but repentance that will lead to forgiveness, for both Peters. John 18, with Peter denying Christ is one of my favourite stories from Scripture, simply because of the beautiful scene of re-instatement that follows in John 21. Is that where your epilogue is coming from? I'm really looking forward to it.

I think I'd like to see an epilogue to this. It was a very interesting parallel to the Peter in the Bible, and you're right, it would have been better for Peter to obey Aslan's commends. After all, Aslan wouldn't say anything without good reason. Great work!