What I do like:

* Consistent treatment of character dialog. Even if Ranma's accent was overdone, at least it was consistent

* Good grammar, sentance construction, & spelling

What I don't like:

* Dues Ex Machina like resolution of problems

* Unneccessary new character

* Shallow characters, little character interactions

* Little drama or suspense

* Ranma suddenly grows up, agrees to everything he's been fighting, gets laid (without a fight, wimper, or feinting session) and oh yeah, he gets all the girls.

In summary, not a bad premise. (Ranma learns to read minds, and as a result sees how much he's hurting fiancee(s), and has to do something about it.)

However, it could use a lot of development.

A few writing hints:

Explain and introduce the characters and situations. Remember, this is _your_ Ranma, not Takahasi's. Who is this person, and what is his motivations, feelings, etc ?

Take the time to describe and develop each scene and place the characters within it. A few sentences of descriptive prose goes a long way.

In general, slow down, and do more development on each scene.

A few plot thoughts:

Right now the new character isn't adding anything - I suggest dropping him. The only thing the new character's really done is bring a new technique. Intead, have Ranma find one of Happi's old stolen techniques, or another wish (aka wishbringer), or something that's already been used in cannon.

Would Ranma really agree to go back to China that readily ? Sure, he _might_ agree to marry Shampoo in order to save her, but he'd probably want to stay in Japan, and Cologne might not be able to make him leave.

One classic Ranma element is his shyness, uncertainty, and ineptness in social situations. Most especially with girls and situations that might be even slightly sexual. Just being able to read minds is unlikely to teach him social skills or get him over his shyness ! If he's going to suddenly agree to make love to Shampoo, it'd be good to explain the change in his persona.

Good luck, and keep writing !
-- Pat

This is pretty good. I'ld like to see more.

As different as this story is from most others, are you sure you really want it to go this way? I mean really... (I wont spoil here) Ranma is way OOC.

The way that he is heading it could be possible that he intends to end the Tendo engagement and marry Ukyo as well. It still looks great. Ja ne

Pretty good story, no large grammical or spelling errors and it flowed pretty well. Maybe give more back story on Jiro in the near future? can't wait to see more of this.

Not bad. You messed the spelling of some of the names(Jusenko, Cologne) though. Btw, who are the other two he's gonna marry? Maybe Ukyo and Akane?