Nice story. i would have left the parts that make it a t since this is a pokemon story after all but otherwise great. be sure to check my story out too!

Yay! You're back! I missed you! Being sick sucks, huh? And for six weeks? Ugh... I'd probably die, being sick THAT long!

I can't wait for the adventures stories to start! More Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Pirates reading! Hooray!

Does this mean you'll be returning to the RP soon?

Nice! Keep on going with the stories! This is pretty good. I just signed up, so I'll be publishing my stories of Pokemon on here too in two days. All of my stories put together are above 13oo pages long. I'm still working on it. Anyway, you did very well. Keep it up!

Hooray! An update!

We finally get some background info on Bane. Awesome! I wonder if we'll get to meet Cloak later in the story.

Update soon! This story rules!

Awesome chapter once again! I wonder why Bane says the world is fake. I guess that will be revealed in due time. I love this story! Update update update!

Awesome preview! I'm glad you're updating. I can't wait to see the next chapter. Poor Chatot... I wonder who Bane is? Update soon, please!

I noticed some grammatical errors as I was reading.

I also think the story is too flat, the situations swap over too quickly(dullness, slightly stressed), and this tends to confuse the mood of the story and the characters.

Well, chapter two seemed rather impressive, plotwise. But I noticed that you started capitalizing the Pokemon's species name.

Why?

I usually don't mind whether some authors choose to capitalize the Pokemon's species name or not, but I really gets to me when they keep switching back and forth. Decide with one style, and try staying with that style.

-“Yes sir, captain” he said. Chris turned around and ran back inside the base.-

Not much wrong here, but I just wonder what the heck is up with the overusing of rulers around that sentence? It looks pretty odd, but either way, I think you at least tried to put a ruler in the scene switch, although all you have to do is to edit it a little bit. Make sure not to rush with the chapters, both writing and posting them.

And the grammar and spelling is a little better in this chapter, though, (except for a Your/You're mistake) and I guess that's a plus.

But I found it rather disappointing that the boat trip was skipped. I mean, that could've been something, seeing Kristen swab the deck or doing some other chore ordered by Stephen. Well, as yyou said before, this is just the introduction, and I hope it'll get more exciting in the future.

I wish you luck, man!

This actually seems like a somewhat interesting, and different take on the PMD universe. I'd guess that instead of mystery dungeons, they'll explore hidden caves for treasure, or raid other ships. XD

Alas, there are some mistakes that could be this fic's downfall.

Well *cracks knuckles* I can say that the story's title first turned me off. Dungeon is mispelled as dungen to start with.

Moving on, at some points you mix up the past and present tense, especially in the first paragraph of the first chapter.

Secondly, try to signify a scene switch by putting a ruler between the two scenes so the reader knows when it's from another point of view. An example is when Kristen woke up.

There are a few punctuation mistakes, and there are some mistakes with some words, such as:

-“You okay in their?”-

There should be a "there" instead of "their, and you probably mean "heart" instead of "hart".

Finally, try to keep the author's notes at a minimum and at the top of the chapter. That, and make sure to have a ruler between that one and the story.

Don't get me wrong, apart from the grammar mistakes and spelling errors, I really like this story.

Can't wait to see how this turns out.

If you ever need help, just let me know. Shouldn't be too hard to figure out who I am ;)

It was okay, but maybe you should work on your spelling. Everything else is good.

4/5