Very ** good, plz update soon!

Nice chapter

Hm... Engagement ring...? Car...?

*Sighs as tears of pain roll down his face...* Really... You had to... Just had to use Twilight as an example... Gr that's so unoriginal! I hate that my prediction when I saw the movie thing actually came true... Other than that story = excellent or else I wouldn't review... Wii typing sucks ):

Muy bien! Me gusta leo a la... Er... Ficione de fane? Meh whatever, if you don't know spanish, then very good! I enjoyed reading this, good job on yuri content so far

hope u keep ploading more of this story i love it:D

You better Finnish this story, or I'll sick both the orochi and cute 'lil shizuru on you!! It's a great piece of writing, so I don't know how you can call it crap. If you're not going to Finnish it, I'd like permission to make the finnishing attempt!! E-mail me at , Kay? The name of the e-mail is set-chan. . Got it? ^^

This is the recent yuri anime that I love! For now...
It's okay is just that I want to ask where's Mako when Chikane sweep her off, it's kinda confusing.

Omg love it love it love it! Please update soon!

*Sighs*
...
...
...
Okay, look. I'd be lying if I said this fanfiction has no potential. It has plenty of potential to be something great. However, as it is written, as of this moment, it needs serious work.

First off, you need to give the audience a clear picture of what's going on. You've done that recently, which I'm grateful of, but in the early chapters, you were so vague about where Mako and Himeko were, I had no clue what the hell was going on.

Secondly, your plotting is all over the place. At first, you made it seem like a small fluff pic. Then, you suprise us with news of the Orochi. While I appreciate you being so dedicated to the canon, this doesn't work. You need to tell us the main conflict at the BEGINNING of the story. You can's simply surprise us with a conflict that comes out of left field.

And while I understand how you may have forgotten the plot of your work, please try to find a new plot or perhaps think of something of remote dramatical interest. There's a book called "Story" by Robert McKee. I highly recommend you look through it and learn how to write a story from the inside-out.

You also have people upset with each other for no particular reason. An example of this is in chapter 8 where Chikane simply gets upset with Souma for yelling. Who wouldn't be yelling after a life-threatening situation. Sometimes Chikane seems so upset, it's no wonder she's called the ice princess.

Finally, please, for love of God, check your grammar and spelling. I cannot tell you the number of times I counted undercased lettering when it should be capitalized and spelling mistakes. For crying out loud, you spelled, "techniquely" when I'm pretty sure you meant "Technically". Find a beta-reader. Exhange e-mail adresses. Use spell check. This sort of thing doesn't take long, but you need to do it in order to look professional.

Look, I don't want you to be upset with me. Don't get me wrong; you're making a good and honest effort to write something, and I appreciate that. But please, respect the medium.

Until then, keep writing!

love it can not wait for more

haa i wouldn't say pure crap! hee j/k you did jump around a bit. not sure how himeko gained her memories back. what's the name of this girl? who's the ring leader? i hope they don't have to sacrifice themselves.

AWESOMESAUCE! SHEER-awesomesauce >.< oh my god please don't forget about this fic i sat down and started reading and didn't stop till i finished it, lol, everything is freakin awesome, i love it, i hope there's a happy ending! ^_^ i love this anime. hope my review helps~

glad souma understands whats what...love it can not wait for more

yay! at last you updated this fic! ^^ heh heh..i like this chap.,,-grinning- anyway, i do hope you don't forget this fic. :)