Ch. 2"Rebellious writer"? I'm pretty sure that's not a high school stereotype. But, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and read the whole story, or at least as far as I can read before the spelling and grammatical errors drive me up a wall.
Ch. 3: Okay, so she's from an abusive family. Of course she is. Every well rounded Mary Sue comes from an abusive family minus one biological parent.
Ch. 5: It bothers me that she seems like a poor attempt at a female John, down to getting assigned more and more detention. Also, every time John makes remarks about Claire, this "Jennifer" girl is included.
Ch. 6: All this eye rolling is going to give Mary Sue a migraine. Also, it's "Claire" and it's bothersome that the Mary Sue character is just thrown in the middle of every scene, without any original thought.
Ch. 8: My bad, Mary Sue "ignores" the scenes you don't find interesting? Or can't find a way to include her in?
Ch. 9"matter of faculty." lmao. And of course, Mary Sue is included when Brian implies he's slept with Claire.
Ch. 10: Everything the characters say gets Mary Sue all weepy. Some tough girl. Two blacks eyes, literally covered in bruises. Plus "many emotional bruises, scars, cuts, and burns", gee how can you NOT feel sorry for Mary Sue?:gag
Ch. 11: Just another example of how Mary Sue somehow finds herself mirroring a character in every scene.
Ch. 12"Face it, your both teases,” Bender said looking at both Clair and I." She wasn't included in this conversation until this line! Ugh, I can stomach 4 more chapters but good God, this is terrible! Of COURSE she's been raped! How old is the author, 13? wah wah, my life is more horrible than EVERYONE else's. I'd bet money she ends up with Brian because one, she just did the annoying Mary Sue spill my guts about my horrid existance with him and two, you haven't changed a damn part of the movie so I'm guessing by the end of this it'll still be Claire/John and Andy/Allison, leaving you with only Brian. Let's read on...
Ch. 13: Mary Sue's little bit about how the heart doesn't die, it just "gets lost in the dark and gets more and more lost until it can't get any more lost so it stays in the dark"...dude, seriously?
Ch. 14"You probably already have Jennifer hanging out with you and your friends but what about the rest of us?" Poor attempt at a female Bender and this does nothing to disprove that. I was thoroughly disappointed by her reason for being in detention. With that build up, I would have expected much more creativity.
Ch. 15: And it's her birthday, well if that doesn't put the icing on the proverbial cake. Remind me next time NOT to have blind faith in a blatant Mary Sue.
Nice! Story idea may have been used befor, but you write it so well and with such a fantastic imagination that it's like reading a whole new idea. I like that it was a Brian/OC story, there's to few of thoughs.
And furthermore, you write really well, the wordsflow over the "pages".
I really thought you could have made this far more original, you basically just regurgitated the film, with slight changes to dialogue. Good idea potentially, if not over done.
As for your character Jennifer, I found her to be incredibly weak within the story line, she was like the female alternative of bender, which just didn’t work. The reason the breakfast club worked so well in the first place was because it represented the major cliques that existed in high school, if you could have found a different stereotype from the other 5, I think this would have been a lot more successful. I don’t mean to be horrible. Your writing style I thought was very good, I just feel it was your contense that let you down.
Aw...I really liked Brian, and Jennifer so that worked! Bender and Clair was like opposites attract and Allison and Andy, well I guess that makes sense! great story, I loved it!
Not being as mean as the other reviewer, but the character development of Hall turned fairly wacko in later chapter. She went from being a tough, uncaring girl to someone who'll break down at the mention of anything that causes her to 'remember' something. Just work on your character a bit and this should turn out pretty okay.
Oh god, this is really poor! A typical Mary Sue and a bad one at that! Is this Hall-chick ever going to do anything but sigh and cry and roll her eyes?
Sorry, but that’s totally uninspired crap.
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Wow 