 project314 2009-01-28 . chapter 1I'm just going to start off by getting the negative out of the way. Verb tenses. I think most readers are used to seeing descriptions using the past tense and not the present, like you did pretty much 95% of the time here. It's something that might cause a reader not to really give your story a chance. Your 7th paragraph, "The woman continued walking and headed for the stairs", that works. You just can't follow it up with "Fran rolls her eyes." Instead, "Fran rolled her eyes.", etc.
With that out of the way, Trini! When I first saw your description and the title, I thought you were bringing in Trini's teacher from Plague of the Mantis. It took me a moment to actually realize you were probably going to bring in Trini. Very cool choice, since to my memory, she's the only Ranger who's also mastered a fighting style molded after an animal.
The story was fun and light. Some discord over Trini not being Pai Zhuq, but then the hero worship when Theo and Lily found out who she was. A fight against Camille and the Rin Shi. And last but not least, a present for RJ that most likely came from an ex Blue Ranger.
Nice job, just work on those verb tenses because otherwise, you're a pretty good writer. =) |