I hate this story. Most of the facts about Pauline and what she looks like are completly wrong. I HATE IT! Its not ur story telling ok? I bet u could do some great stories!!


MARIO X PEACH 4EVA!
MARIO X PEACH 4EVA!
MARIO X PEACH 4EVA! SHES FAR BETTER FOR MARIO AND THEY ARE DEEPLY IN LOVE AND ALWAYS WILL BE

why did you make Pauline sound like a ** at the end? she is a nice woman and she would have split up with mario on good terms! and it states in the game booklet of mario vs donkey kong 2 march of the minis that pauline and mario are now best friends because peach is marios intrest now. Do you really think she would do that if they are best friends?. no.I think not. But there we go. The rest of the story is very nice but I wish it had a better ending.

Heh, I actually saw this story a few days ago, and thought it was the same story. But when I read into it, I thought it was a different story and stopped. Now it turns out it IS the same story, just another POV.

I noticed you took my advice and stuck to a single POV. And thanks for explaining why Mario was so bashful, it makes me feel kinda special you took my tips to heart.

I really like this story, because I love stories with more than one side to them. I was glad to see more of the story explained, and am curious about what still hasn't been explained. I thought the change in Pauline's attitude was really random and sudden, and I hope that it was an act. I don't see how someone could make such a sudden swing in opinion about someone otherwise.

I don't know what this big fanfic you're working on is going to be called, but I'm going to assume that it will involve conflict of Pauline and Peach meeting in person, and Mario having to choose between them. If it is something like that, I'd like to suggest the name, "Two loves, one heart.".

Looking forward to the continuation of this series!

~Wimpzilla

I have two qualms with this side of the story. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoyed it, though Pauline's sudden change kinda caught me off guard, and there were some things that detracted from the story this time around.

For one, I'd like to know if you rushed to get this on the site or something because there were typos everywhere. Usually I'd let it go by since I know I make some when I submit stories too, but there were so many in here that it actually made it more difficult to get into the plot. And that leads to the second thing I noticed.

"Our lips were just a kilometer apart..." I'm sure this was just another typo, but a kilometer is one thousand meters. Picturing them coming in for a kiss at such a distance was rather comical, but I doubt you meant to describe it like that. So the only advice I can give is to just go back and clean up as many of the grammatical errors as you can spot at a second glance. A typo here or there usually won't take away from the story, but when they're abundant it can seriously dull the experience.

You have a good idea on your hands, and I look forward to seeing the rest of the series as you release it.

Interesting story, I just have to read the Luigi's POV one! The biggest mistake I found was that you didn't include spaces before opening brackets: it should be "like (this)", not "like(this)"; and be careful about adding periods inside the brackets: it's not always appropriate. Other than that and some typos, it was great! I can't wait to find out what happened in that Hall of Mirrors!