 Fan Fan Girl 2009-06-29 . chapter 1Wow. That was really depressing. The advent of Folon's scars at the end were kind of sudden though. And I've always wondered why people thought Lyude and Folon knew each other, since when they met in-game they never seemed to recognize each other. I personally would have kept this story to just Lyude, Skeed, and Vallye, but that's just me.
I'm not sure what else to say, but like I said, it was pretty depressing. But a bit of advice for the second to last scene... if you wanted to be even more meangingful, then Skeed could have cut Lyude with the sharp point of the badge, not with some knife. |
 Eva Grey 2009-02-10 . chapter 1This is good. And I mean GOOD. Personally, Lyude is my favourite character in the game, and so to see this.. It makes my heart swell with joy. I love your plot, although I would love to see more 'showing and not telling' in the dialoge sections (although I too, fall victim to telling instead of showing..)
But yes! I love this. Keep it up! |