I know you're getting a lot of comments about "fixing it", or whatever - but in all honesty, nice honesty, they're right. I mean, what you've written in this fanfic sounds more like a skit for a play. :/ Nightmares in almost every chapter? Hardly crying at any of the bad news? A few sympathetic words here and there like "oh no"; "yikes", or "too bad"?
I'll shut up now . . . You probably have a lot of reviews to look at. :)

This story needs work; I have to be honest. It could be great, but a few things need fixing:

The characters are pretty shallow. Nobody seems to feel any real emotion, even though someone they all know may die. Even the adults are just, "Oh boy," / "Yikes," / "Oh, no," which are things usually saved for when someone skins a knee or something. Also, I imagine hospitals would admit patients who have just been diagnosed with such a disease because some people become suicidal when faced with the news.

Also, a lot of the sentences are long, and can be divided up with commas to make them easier to understand.
And, Mary Anne and the other characters repeatedly refers to the incident at the fair as 'a memory,' even when it just happened and when it can be referred to in other ways, as 'an incident,' or as 'what happened at the fair.' Calling it a memory repeatedly sounds strange.

Mary Anne also has far too many nightmares, and the nightmares themselves seem shallow. And, I doubt anyone else noticed, but Mary Anne herself doesn't have cancer and yet the whole story is about her. She never seems to feel sympathetic to Kayla or her family, and nobody else even thinks about them when it would be a much bigger shock to them than it would to Mary Anne. And of course that 'memory is stuck in her head;' the news is a big deal and wouldn't just be 'stuck' there, like a song...

These are just a few of the mistakes I found when I skimmed your story, but because I don't want to be too harsh, I suggest you find someone to proofread your work before you post it. This could honestly be a good story, but it needs work to make it that way. Good luck!

This is good, but can I make a suggestion? Don't make her have nightmares in, oh, EVERY chapter, okay? It starting to get old. Other than that it was really good.

Your story has gotten better. There are somethings that just don't sit right.

1.)why would they call Mary Anne's dad instead of 911 if they couldn't wake Kayla up? That doesn't make sense.

2.)Why would Kayla go to school AFTER being diagnosed with cancer? Most places, they want the patient to stay so that they can begin chemotherapy or some type of drug treatment so that they can combat the cancer.

3.)How could everyone keep telling Mary Anne to keep the news out of her mind? That's not something easily kept out of someone's mind. You should have the rest of the members of the Baby-Sitters Club a little more sympathetic.

Overall, the story is moving along nicely. The only thing is, your characters still need more personality. And your writing has gotten much better, just some minor flaws that need fixed.

I think this story is pretty good--although there are some odd things. Not bad, just odd. Like:
1.How come Kayla came to school when she was diagnosed with LEUKEMIA, although Mary Anne didn't come because she was 'too upset?' That just doesn't work.
2.Dawn's reaction to the news is a bit off. She just learned that one of her very good friends is diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, may very well die, and she says "That's too bad," or "Uh-oh"--it is a bit weird.
3.You have the same sort of problem with Sharon. I understand that Mary Anne is closer to Kayla than the rest of the family, but Sharon might say something more than "Yikes."
That's about it. Other than that, this is a good story. Update if you will!

OMG I LOVE it! Update as soon as you can! :D