I liked it. Very dramatic, very felt. You're a better writer than you give yourself credit for, I get bored reading very easily and this held my attention all the way through.

Can't wait for more,
ahiyuh

_

say it out loud, it'll make more sense,
ahiyuh

Wow this story is really interesting. I hope you continue! Oh and the format was a little difficult to read. You may want to change that for later chapters. But other than that, great concept! I'm excited about this story.