Oh yeah, i also wanted to point out, that if you're goign to say shit, nigger, and fuck every single line, then u might as well have made this rated NC17.

Dude this story is fucked up and i mean that in a bad way. Okay to start things off, how long is your second chapter? 50 words? your story is really short. It also really doesn't make sense. Also, i dont know why you needed to say nigger but it's fine with me. The first chapter is also fucked up. And im cool with this, but i just wanted to point out, you don't need to say fuck or shit every single line. you only need it like 2 or 3 times each chapter in my opinion. So over all i give this story a 1 out of 10 basically cause you used a lot of unnecessary language and it was really really short.

okay story, one thing though. Did you decide to change the seconmd chapter, i am sorta confused, but it is good so far

i didnt find it confusing at all.. and i didnt know james was a nigga

Thank you and I know it was confusing.I am finishing it in Novel form.I will try to do better in spelling grammar and punctuation but I aint a very good Tho'.

My lil bro persuaded me to go on the net, bless him. I feel so low...anyways...your plot confuses me cos its in script form, but you have a good idea about what you want to acheive in this...its just i hate it when i see fics in script form...novel form is my preferred style. anyways, its ok, u just need to perfect grammar and spacing. i'll be honest as right now the truth is the only thing that needs to be told. I am not putting you down, but if you want a quality fic then grammar, puntuation and space is needed. Dont be offended, but its better than being told a bunch of lies. This site is good cos writers can perfect themselves with the advice of those with the same interests. Just dont get offended, your fic is alright...I'm just in a blunt mood. L B :(

the plot's a little confusing, but still, this is really cool! continue please!