YEA! AWSOME STORY!! ME LIKEY! ;D

♥

hi

lol! As I read this I thought of Yuki in the next room listening and thinking WTF is going on in there?! He will be tormented for life XD

I thought the story was really good. I think you should maybe add a second chapter to it. Like she does get pregnant and 9 months later they have a beautiful baby with orange hair and brown eyes.XD

good

loved it!

Sorry, I couldn't read all the way through.

a. you have some MAJOR punctuation issues.
b. BOTH characters are seriously out of character.
tohru's much more timid and shy and kyo would not say baby.

if you need help editing, email me.

A couple of errors? Not from where I'm sitting!

Honey, get yourself a beta. Better still, get yourself a thesuraus and a dictionary!

Your grammar needs revising, your syntax need serious work, plots need to be better developed and your basic dialouge needs to be more involved.

You should really use correct English when composing a story. A little bit of expression/description would be lovely too.

You have the ideas. You need to execute them more appropriately.

Best of luck. I'll read your further works as I'm curious to see your progress.

Cheers,
eye

Great, a couple of errors but that is only spelling other than that Great job.