O-o-O-o-O awesome fic so far! cant knock a GoW fic O.O!!

Keep it up!! Really enjoyin it ^^ and i agree with others about ur OC being well balanced...not useless and pathetic but not lil miss perfect! and also the GoW chars being in character! so kudos to u! (only one criticism i have - "hissed" is a teenytinybit used too much, or mayb thts jst me :P...but thts the only thing i'd point out ^^)

Sorry this review is probably badly worded and not making much sense...my xcuse is tht my stupid neighbours are playin their crap music(well i say crap, its not, i just hate it) REALLY REALLY loud and it driving me mad :P

Hope to see more chapters soon!!

good luck!

Pretty good story :) I love how your OC has her flaws (i.e. her scars, bad aiming, etc.) and the first chapter was written beautifully while the characters were still in character. Great job and keep it up :) Can't wait to read more!

Every little bit counts, right? ^_^ I REALLY hope this evolves into a Baird x OC...those are always awesome. :D And I like Artemis a lot--good job giving her target inaccuracy, it keeps her from becoming Mary-Sue-i-fied. :D
-Allie

oh...interesting first chapter. B's an **, but we all knew that, right? Cole is awesome though, very true to character, especially with the referring to himself in third person and as a train...Cole's the greatest. When I played through the game, I couldn't wait until Marcus and Dom met up with him and B again. And then the cut scene when he was yelling at the locust queen? I died. I've watched it like, five billion time...anyways I'm going to stop talking about the game now...

Good story so far! I can't wait to see how it goes!

(P.S. I like that girl's name...)

A very cute first chapter, and you brought back Ben Carmine. Love the Carmines.

I would recommend a beta reader, just to help clean up the tiny details here and there. But mostly work on your "she" and "he" that come immediately after what they say. Try to play with the environment a little to bring us into the story.

Best of luck!

Very good start, and I hope it turns into a Baird x OC! :D
One teensy little thing: at the end you said "She obeyed and allowed the blonde soldier to pull her along behind her, perhaps to their doom." It should be "She obeyed and allowed the blonde soldier to pull her along behind HIM, perhaps to their doom."
Baird is not a girl. XD Otherwise excellent start, and I'm looking out for more!
-Allie