Wow...this is intense. Keep writing! I love the feeling this story raises. ^^

Pretty good so far. A little short, but I shouldn't be talking. I like personalities of your characters, true to the originals. Well, keep up the good work, and update soon!

Not really sure what to make of this. It was definitely intriguing and has me curious, but it's a little confusing. The transitioning of your scenes doesn't really seem to flow right to me. It may just be me, but it's a little unclear to me which direction a scene is going. Like if it's going forwards or backwards. They just seem kind of random to me. The second scene I'm pretty sure was a flashback, and as for the third scene...well I honestly don't know. I can't tell if that's a scene that took place after the second scene, or if it's yet another flashback.

That's the only problem I had with this. The third scene is what gave me the trouble.

~Dracori

Pretty serious story! I really want to see more! :)