|Reviews for Old Wars of Enroth|
| rutger5000 11/22/09 . chapter 2
So cruel that you have yet to recieve a review for a fanfic you've worked so hard on.
I never played HoMaH one or two (only three) so have no idea what the characters are like. And I must say that you don't really solve that problem. I miss reflection of the characters feeling, and the interaction between each other. Or at least it isn't presented in a way interesting enough. However there are a few times you did get it right. The way how you describe the Morgin's lose of his father was decent. An example where you went wrong would be the part when you reveal that Ewine and Ragnar are going to marry. The fact that Morgin can't express his feelings at that point because that would get him in trouble does not mean that you can't express his feelings for the reader.
The plot is good though. It seems like you've given it much thought. There are no big holes, or anoying use of plot devices. That makes it seem very realistic.
All in all this feels like I'm reading an intersting part of a countries history. I can understand that that is somewhat your point. But the way you present the story just doesn't make the readers to absorb themself into the world of the characters. And that makes it hard to sympathise with them. Therefore this isn't a story that will make you laugh or cry nor will it make us(the reader) read it to deep in the night because we just have to know what'll happen next or make us stop reading because we are too scarred to find out.
If you really want to reach out to your audince, then I suggest you rewrite this story. This time pay more attention to the characters. It won't help if you only start to write better from now one, because the first chapters are the chapters that attrackt readers.
If I had to grade this story then I would barely give it a passing grade. The plot is very interesting and brought extremly convincing and I give it a score of 9 out of 10, the characters lack debt and their interaction only serves to eleborate the plot I give it a score of 2 out of 10. Overall writting style is nothing special. It doesn't drag the story down, nor does it add something to it. I give it a score of 6 out of 10. Total score 17 out of 30.