oh my god ... update like right now lol this is a good story

Hey, this is actually readable. Not too shabby. You might want to work on the pace a bit. I don't know, but I feel it's going a bit too fast. You might also want to work on the Shal/Bren chemistry a bit, but I like your idea and where this is going. You're just trying to fit in too much information into a single chapter. Slow down a bit, and write a longer chapter or if it's too long, split it into two. I like your work. keep on writing! Would love to see where this goes :).


-Hysink