 excessivelyperky 2009-03-15 . chapter 1Marvelous. Here's hoping she can remember better in England than she did before. After all, she and Edmund will have to deal with Eustace, and will need all that knowledge. (I still think that _Dawntreader_ has one of the best opening sentences, ever).
And Aslan was right--Lucy needs the land, the air, and the water to help _her_. |
 Kurai 88 2009-03-09 . chapter 1hm, intriguing and fun as always. nice to see something from narnia, i can;t say ive read any up on FFnet before. you captured lucy perfectly, and Aslan too, of course. one thing i would mention is that the ending was more abrupt than i would have liked - i expect that it was what was intended, since this is only a snippet, but theres still something that to my way of thinking COULD be improved, but that isn't to say that this is anything short of pretty damn good. frankly, im just nitpicking. but hey, you always ask for criticism too, so i guess i obliged.
thanks for writing and sharing! |
 Miss. Edith needs her tea. 2009-03-08 . chapter 1oh i love this onshot, it just hit the "spot", again love this, ans keep up with your writing. |
 Rista-liehna 2009-03-08 . chapter 1Memories softening... you know, that could explain why Susan stopped believing in Narnia. I've always sort of wondered.
This reads like canon. If there's a higher compliment, I don't know of it. They're both so perfectly in character; the talk of faith smacks of C. S. Lewis; and the mention you made of the surroundings made the world seem, in your own words, more real. I like the phrase 'it was hard to be a queen in England,' and just love the title, but can't really explain why. Sorry.
Anyway, I liked your story. |
 Autumnia 2009-03-07 . chapter 1This was a lovely introspective based on book canon (there never seems to be enough love for that). I thought you explained rather well how their lives in Narnia faded away once they were back in England, and how it was that they forgot their faith and trust in Aslan upon their return to their kingdom. And I really didn't find anything to dislike about this work at all! |
 MommyRogers 2009-03-07 . chapter 1Your work is as always, excellent. You have captured not only the "voice" of the characters, but the tenor of the writer himself. The flow is smooth, not a word out of place to jar it. It is the feel of the "English" mixed with the elegant language of the time (which is by now less common).
This series has been a favourite of mine for decades, and you have done the writer's world justice. Thank you. |
 anonymous 2009-03-07 . chapter 1 Lovely! Narnia is the one place that makes everyone happy!! I love it! :) |
 GoldenRat 2009-03-06 . chapter 1Nice Lucy moment. |
 Love and Rock Music 2009-03-06 . chapter 1Brilliant! Ooh, it's been ages since a fic this good has popped up in our archives, and this one was just delightful. What phrasing! You are a truly gifted writer; this is word-weaving at its best. I loved the description of the air in Narnia. "And it wasn't just the scent -- Narnian air filled the lungs faster, carried sound further and more clearly, didn't cloud with haze to block your view of distant mountains." -This has got to be one of the best lines in the whole fandom. Beautiful.
I loved the explanation about their memories blurring together as they settled back into their child-bodies, and how in Narnia their strides lengthen and their accents change slightly. That was very well done. I especially liked the line, "In the ruins of Cair Paravel, the girl began to unfold back into the woman and queen." -Wonderful.
I do have one nitpick, and I wouldn't have brought it up at all if I didn't feel like the writing was so perfect otherwise that it was owed to the work itself. You have the description "flowing down to earth in a bolt of sun-gold fur". I feel like it's kind of contradicting. Flow is a slow sort of world, and bolt is a fast one. You can flow in a stream or a ripple, or flash or fly in a bolt. Just sayin'.
Lstly, I fell in love with Lucy and Aslan's conversation about Caspian, particularly the line " 'His story and yours are soon to part ways.' " Could I possibly borrow it for a Lucian fic I'm writing? I'd give credit of course, but I'll understand if you don't approve of the pairing and aren't comfortable.
This was a great story, a pleasure to read and a great insight into Lucy's character. Hopefully we'll see more Chronicles stories from you in the future. |
 Alrissa 2009-03-06 . chapter 1Yes, there is something about Lucy you just have to respect.
And, perhaps, envy.
Your story is sweet, surely. And yet it leaves a melancholy feeling, making me wonder. Have I forgotten my Narnia? Or you yours? |
 The Sepia Falcon 2009-03-06 . chapter 1Oh, really nice piece. The pace of it - quite calm, and quiet - really fit with the reflective nature of the story, and I loved the Lucy - Aslan interaction. It makes sense that it would be Lucy that asked these questions.
And the line "But today, Lucy closed her eyes and breathed in her kingdom, and tried to weave it so deep into her soul that no magic nor change of worlds could ever blur the memory." was just lovely. |
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