Again, this chapter is really good. No complaints except 3 errors (2 formatting and 1 spelling: a paragraph starting where it shouldn't, a space in the word servan t and forgetting the d in find, no biggies).

This chapter was basically a repeat of the last one, but it approached the situation differently. I like that you changed the POV.

Also, did Hermione break her arm at the beginning, or did I misread? Cause if she did, that should have been taken care of somewhere along the way as well as being mentioned in the first chapter.

Good luck with the rest of this story!! I look forward to it.

Peace,
Yellow Moon

Hey!

I really like this, the layout and all. In all honesty, the flashbacks do work here, really well. There's no way you could have told the same story effectively without them. It is kind of rushed, but not too much. I still was able to find the space and time to feel the emotions in this chapter and if it were much longer or more detailed, it probably would have been too much for the opening of a story.

As for the dialogue, it is also effective. The beginning stuff with Hermione could use a little more description, the urgency in her voice didn't come across very well (it sounded annoying in my head, for some reason). Also, with Voldemort's line, "Malfoy. Is it true that your son is dating another male?", I personally think the word "wizard" instead of "male" would be better fitting. That's just me though...

Off to the next chapter!
Peace,
Yellow Moon

I have two problems with this... There are too many flashbacks. It made it seem rushed to tell the background of the story instead of just letting the story play out. I've had major issues with moving too fast in my stories, so I am a lil sensitive to it.

The other thing was... in your hurry, I felt like you didn't capture the characters personality and their words seemed forced.

"Please don't let Blaise's love for you make your heart feel such an ugly emotion!"

Read this aloud and ask yourself if anyone would actually say this in a high stress situation. Would they? Probably not. Think about everyday speech more when you are writing.

I think if you started far earlier in the story, rather than starting at Blaise's death, the fanfiction would be very good. It would set up the story timeline, background, setting, and let the emotions show rather than be told.

Otherwise, it was a very interesting story idea. =D

hmm. i enjoyed the epic fight/death scene. i like the whole, internal battle, self sacrifice. howver i thogut it was random that ron and draco are randomly chummy chummy, but whatever. your playing out the grief very well so far.

like i said before, i really enojyed the first chapter. the only thing i was confused on was on the time setting, but we discussed this already. im looking foreward to more explanation on harrys unexpected love affair with draco.

Okay, this time, I know that I'm not allowed to use my faces... I feel so restricted! D: Either way, awesome job! I loved it and I love the way you capture emotion :D Until this, and a few of your other stories, fanfictions never really had too much appeal for me, but now I can't wait to read the next chapter! Thank you so much! Keep up the wonderful work and I'll be by your side through it all :)

Much love! :D

For some reason it only took the first two words of that review :( Well, as I was going to say, I'm so proud of you! I just wanted you to know that I really appreciate your ability to write and captivate an extremely visual mind, even when you don't think at all in the same way :) You made me laugh and even feel actual sadness at one point or another while reading this. I admire and respect your abilities, honestly. I will always be here by your side to help in any way I can, whether it be as a boyfriend, a best friend, a reader, or a whatever :)

Great job!