 Calysra 2009-03-08 . chapter 1This is really good! The dialogue is really natural and both Toph and Sokka are in character.
The only thing I would change is the way you've formatted it. Having the dialogue in italics is confusing. Italics are usually reserved for thoughts or for emphasizing a word. To have to sort out the thoughts from the actual speech makes my brain hurt, and gives me the unshakable impression that they are speaking to eachother with their minds instead of their mouths. I would go back and change it to regular old text with quotation marks to make it a bit easier to read.
But other than that and a couple of typos (Real mean don't cry?), I really like the idea of this one. Good job! |