I'm much more the type to just favorite something and go because I don't really like making myself known, but...

Well, this piece just seems to have so much power in each understated word that it's just pretty and flowing and I can't describe it. Like the other reviewers have said, there's something really nice about the soft imagery of the piece- the way it shows rather than tells and-

...It's too pretty, and sad, and bittersweet. therethat'swhyIlikeitI'llgobacktomycornernow

It's...it's so...OAO.

Words fail to describe how much I like this. I thought it was interesting (in the good way) that you didn't mention names--that made me think about the story and people, and it also gave a sort of mysterious--floaty?--feeling to most of the piece. I guess because it's '"showing," not "telling,"' so it's up to the reader to paint a picture of what's before them. You do this really well, I've noticed, through most of your writing. It's awesome.

I also really liked the ending, especially when you used the word vaulted. I was thinking about it when I finished reading, and other words like 'jump,' 'leap,' and even 'hurdle' don't really add the same feeling of desperate and radiating joy. I was confused a little at the end though--he dies, yes? One small and rather insignificant piece of criticism would be the very last sentence:

"The townspeople noted the shape of a schooner vanishing into the same sunset, and neither of them were heard from evermore but in the legends they became."

The part where you say 'neither of them' is strange, it seems like anyone could be 'them.' Also, the very end 'but it legends they became.'

Ah! "Harbor," by Vienna Teng! That's my favorite song! You've no idea how excited I was when I saw those lyrics in the summary. And they're so appropriate, too; I loved the whole sea-feel to this piece. Your imagery was gorgeous--descriptors lovely, characters familiar but just vague enough to provide that "Aha!" moment when one recognizes them. That, in particular, was a very nice touch. ;)

The bouquet scene was my favorite part. I like how you tied Ophelia's monologue into both the storyline and into Nessiah's character. You did that very well; it was neat how you provided context for it instead of just smacking us in the face with a random Shakespeare passage.

Lovely and excellent!

-Min

Nessiah in a dress? o feral u and ur crossdressing angels

So, I'm guessing it's Nessiah, Yggdra, Roswell and Gulcasa? Since there are no male children in YU, I'm assuming that they're just there. I think the occupations suit the characters well - even Nessiah, who's just deemed as the watcher. (Ironically,) He was always the observational character, wasn't he?

It's one of those stories where you could easily make it into an original story. Change some things around, and no one would notice. Hell, you didn't even toss any names around! However, knowing the characters helps to bring some baggage to the table. Seeing Nessiah's strange obsession and gradual descent into madness, and then finding out exactly what he was fussing about - excellent. Your imagery was simple, but it never felt empty.

Ah, a story of love and the insanity that comes with it - very different from a lot of the fluffy, sappy crap that you see nowadays. A very welcome change, indeed! The ending may be a tad cliche, but you pulled it off.

It took two readthroughs, but I think I have a good grasp of what was going on. The second reading brought little details that I missed out on beforehand - which kind of helped me understand a few things. I wouldn't be surprised if I read it once more, and found more stuff to chew on.

All in all, a quiet yet poignant story. I enjoyed it very much.

so uh yeah gg feral you get your choice of a gold star or a smiley face sticker

*wibble* Oh, NESSIAH... And poor Roswell, trying to help him like that and failing.

You'd better not leave like that again, Gulcasa! Or else!