Thought that was really good enjoyed it loved the way you wrote it ! Hope you write more soon !



- Gabi from Randomatgedz

very very very good, absolutely fabulous!! I'm adding this to my favourites!!

Where's the love? ... ok, kidding. But it was rather short, don't you think? And as far as I know Marisa doesn't seem like the gloomy type; in fact from what I read I thought she was the brash type seeing as she's often described as self-centered (not to say she's selfish but that she doesn't really care about others' reactions I suppose - especially given that she loves "borrowing" things).

Meh, it was ok. But short. Planning to go any further with this? It doesn't really live up to the blurb you know (the bit about Marisa carelessly stealing peoples' hearts).

A ring of red string...nice.

Jeez I'm starting to like Touhou Project already! Good job, please update friend!

"The drizzling rain continued into the night, and its peaceful sound flowed through the residence of Marisa as naturally as a river, and the ink of night painted itself in the colors of love. Seven colors in all to correspond to the light, seven colors in all to correspond to the darkness, the seven elements in all for this one-week magician. The overcast silent Selene sighed a peaceful sound through the clouds; the royal flare on the other side was humming its noble sound in its noble chariot. The five elements, with their five spheres in the starry heavens beyond the clouds, sounded the music of the spheres*(2). And so the drizzling rain continued to fall in the quiet harmony of the peaceful night. The youkai of the night were also a part of this forest, and formed a natural part of this natural rhythm."

That is quality description, but where's her trademark ze? Marisa is nothing with out it

Shouldn't the fic be for both characters 'Marisa' and 'Patchouli', tho?

Blast it, it won't let me log in. Oh well, starting with typos, review at bottom.

'What bothered, Patchouli, though,' not sure if this is meant to be 'What bothered Patchouli, though' or 'What bothered her, Patchouli thought,'

'Good morning to…' -> '...you' or 'too'?

Well then, much better! You managed to write that very quickly too... It's true that a few of your longer paragraphs do seem to get a bit purple, especially when you describe the Forest, but it doesn't pop up too much later. (well, A/N #2 addresses the worst)

The enjoyable thing was actually the conversations, because you have an interesting Marisa- well, I think she works. Sounds like the Marisa I'd imagine, anyway. But why is it you think of her as gloomy? Not that it comes across, but for Marisa...the way I see it is more, if she's lonely, she either doesn't know it or doesn't want to acknowledge it, and she's always so outgoing it's hard for others to notice either. 'Gloomy', though, sounds...morose. I also don't see her making much distinction between human and youkai... Not saying 'your way sucks', just confused and wondering how you see it.

Admittedly, I wasn't sure whether to wince or yell 'ah-hah!' about the red string, but the latter won out because, well, it's cute. But now that it's there, is it Chekhov's Gun? Well, good job, update soon~

You moan about so many other peoples stories but i'm not going to moan at you. This was very interesting, Patchouil seemed very determined to return that book. Your still better then me. But it could use with some action like a fight scene or something like Patchouil collapsing from fighting that's what I would of done. You need to really interest the reader by adding some "don't go any where" action but mine probably sucks at interesting the reader. keep writing. So i'll leave it at that

-This has been a message from The Fan of Many Things

I'm divided on this one, because it's like a mixed bag. You have a solid vocabulary and perhaps a fair idea of characterisation (I think, but there's not enough to judge yet), but reading this is a bit like reading stage directions. You state actions, but they seem sort of ordered...I'm not sure how to say it, but more feeling would be better, maybe. It would also be good to work on pacing- most of it's fine, but the bit with the youkai was rushed and odd with the dialogue. But it looks as though the next chapter will have more interaction, so I'm looking forward to it.